Pieces: 4/6 - Kill My Enemies - Stackhouse/Markham

[rosiedoes]

Betas: shiny_starlight & darkmoon711
Rating: PG-13ish
Pairing: Stackhouse/Markham
Summary: An allegory in pieces. You know how it ends.
Spoilers: Various for season one; particularly The Brotherhood.
Warnings: Character death in later chapters.

Spot the Mythbusters reference...

---

Pieces: 4/6
Kill My Enemies
The only thing that I have...


The thudding of his heart against his ribcage was starting to make Adam breathless. In front of him was the now familiar metal ring they had spent the past eight weeks hopping back and forth through until it actually got a little boring; either side of him stood Aiden Ford and Marc Bates. He hadn't the nerve to find out where Jamie was, but he could feel him somewhere at the back of the room, and it made his frown deepen a little. So much for going through together. Sumner had selected four of the most senior marines to accompany him through the Gate and be the first people to walk into Atlantis. It could have been exciting; should have been an honour. Instead, all he could think was, 'What if something goes wrong? What if we get through and it shuts down, and they can't re-establish a connection? What if Jamie doesn't make it through? What do I do?'

He actually felt sick with nerves by the time Dr. Weir finished her speech. Every word she said felt like someone pointedly twisting a knife in his gut; 'and in light of the adventure we are about to embark on, you are also the bravest'. Right now, didn't feel so brave at all. And you could dress it up any way you liked, but it still had the potential to be a mass lemming impersonation. Honestly? He kind of wanted to stand there in front of everyone and just say, 'But what if - ?' to a hundred things, and 'Fuck this, I'm going home.' Not that he had a home to go to, any more. His parents had made that clear.

But as he watched her, standing on the ramp, tearing up just a little bit as she gave them one final chance to pull out, he knew he couldn't do it. For a start there would be the complications of illustrating to Jamie that he should stay, without arousing suspicion; then there would be the looks of the others, being the centre of attention for all those gathered. He hated that. Feeling scrutinised and standing out. At school he had always been the quiet child who did his work, never raised his hand and never got called up to the front of the class for demonstrations. It was better that way; he was never bullied and only had to concentrate on his parents' opinions. The thought of stepping out in front of all these people and showing himself as a coward made it difficult to swallow and his eyes flickered to those around him, checking for suspicion. He almost made the mistake of catching Sumner's cold gaze as he cast it across the room, daring his marines to embarrass the Corps by chickening out, and hurriedly flicked his eyes to Bates, who stood – as he always did – with his jaw set and his expression vaguely pissed.

Even though she appeared to have offered them a choice, none of them really had one.

Then, all at once, he could hear the claxons sounding as command began the dialling sequence and Sumner was standing before him, expecting them to attach his pack and prepare to move out. Adam's hands shook as he squeezed the clasp into place and he glanced at Ford, wondering if he'd noticed; Ford wasn't even looking at him. He was too busy gazing into the middle distance.

The next few moments, as the Gate ground through the dialling sequence, Adam held his breath. This was it. This was leaving Earth forever, or failing and being re-assigned to fuck-knows-where. Probably on the opposite side of the world to Jamie, just because that was the sort of shitty thing life did to him.

He almost caught himself praying for a stable wormhole, before remembering that he was talking to a God the TV said hated people like him. It didn't seem likely that he'd help, so he stopped and closed his eyes, concentrating on all the positive, happy moments he and Jamie had shared in the past year and a half. And as the Gate blew out and connected, he grinned along with the rest of them. He could hear Jamie's voice at the back of the room, joking with someone, and it reminded him that there was still a horrible chance that this could go wrong – that he had so much to lose.

It wasn't what he needed.

As Sumner began to stride towards the ramp, belting out his orders, Adam could feel a lump forming in his throat. He so wanted to turn to Jamie, give him one last look, but he didn't dare. Instead he fixed his eyes on Sumner, wondering if he trusted him to lead them into this and bring them out intact the other side. When Weir spoke, he stole the opportunity to turn in her direction and cast a glance over the amassed scientists and soldiers, seeking Jamie out. His heart leapt as he caught sight of him, standing near one of the boxes of blinky-lights. Jamie subtly raised a hand to wave him off and cast him a little wink that said, 'See you in five'.

Jamie had no idea how much he hoped so. But as he stood next to Fauske and watched Adam slide through the event horizon, his fingers tightened around the strap of the Bergen containing Adam's personal possessions and he realised how utterly ironic it was that the old saying, 'I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth' sprang to mind.

To infinity and beyond seemed more appropriate.



He'd known it. He'd thought as much back in the SGC: something had to go wrong. Water was pouring in on them and they were all going to fucking drown. Great. And Sumner had left him leading the military contingent staying on-world, so not only was he going to have to drown, watch Jamie drown and also, let all his friends drown, but he had the joy of feeling responsible, too. McKay was being an asshole, running around and declaring doom and most of the other scientists stood in the control room looking lost and incapable.

On the other side, Jamie sat on some steps, turning his P90 over and over in his hands. It seemed callous, but reassuring, to at least think that if this happened and they just all drowned under half a mile of ocean, right now, then at least it would be together.

Adam trotted down the stairs from the gallery and went to sit beside him.

"So, this was brief," he said, trying to offer him a sardonic grin, but feeling his expression contort into a grimace instead.

"We could still make it," Jamie murmured, still staring at the gun rotating in his hands, but shifting a little to his knee was pressed against Adam's.

"Yeah. Maybe."

"Sumner will ship us all out to some planet or something. They'll find a way. They will."

"I sure hope so. Never planned on dying like this..."

"I don't plan on dying at all."

They looked at each other for a moment and Jamie smiled a little, briefly reaching across to rest a hand on Adam's knee. It didn't seem to matter so much, now. There were so few military personnel around and Adam was still quite sure that they only had a few minutes to say anything about it, anyway... He gently wrapped his fingers around Jamie's, and was glad he had his back to the rest of the room.



When they arrived Adam's mother seemed surprised to see them, but quickly plastered on a smile and pretended to be positively delighted that they had come back. She led them through to the garden, where a large table on the patio was surrounded by people – three Jamie recognised, and three he didn't. He could guess, though, that the man must be Adam's brother, Peter; he was taller, darker and broader. He also looked like his wife had dressed him.

There weren't enough seats at the table (proving they hadn't expected them to return together, in Jamie's opinion) and when she collected one from the kitchen, Adam's mother carefully placed it next to Maggie, instead of beside the other free chair.

For several seconds, the air crackled with tension, and then Maggie got up and moved to sit in the available chair beside Anna, leaving the two together for Jamie and Adam. At that moment, as their mother made a slight indignant splutter, Jamie decided it was a pity they would be leaving for Pegasus in a couple of weeks, because she would have made the best sister-in-law in the world.

He also knew from the moment they were introduced that Anna didn't know who he was. She smiled at him politely and shook his hand and he felt guilty for wishing she didn't exist.

The thing that bothered him the most was that she was actually quite pretty. Nothing obviously special, not at all glamorous, but pretty and neat and exactly the sort of girl he would have expected Adam to choose if he was straight. More obviously suited to him than Jamie himself. Truth be told, there were really only two things that he and Adam had in common. Aside from the USMC and being a pair of shirt-lifting queers, Jamie and Adam were polar opposites. But it worked; they worked.

Adam's parents made a great show of displaying their affection for her. She called them 'Mom and Dad' the way he'd heard some of his cousins call their in-laws. He'd thought it a little weird in their cases, but this was just insanity.

"So, why did you come up to Seattle, Jamie?" she asked, inevitably, picking at her food with infuriating delicacy.

"I asked him to," Adam interjected immediately, looking up from his plate for the first time in at least ten minutes.

"Oh, I know that, silly!" she laughed, reaching over to pat his hand and receiving a cold look in return that made her smile falter for a moment. "I – I just meant why did you come up here when you know you'll be going away for a long time? Didn't you want to spend it with your family, or anything?"

Jamie took a deep breath, trying to think how to word things without it being too much of a shock. "Well, see... I think Adam sort of is my family, now."

"That's sweet," she said smiling and taking a sip of rosé, "Carl always used to say how close you boys got in the Marine Corps..."

Maggie's voice cut in abruptly and she slammed down her glass, earning a stiff, 'Don't do that, honey' from her mother, "Anna. Okay. Are you seriously this stupid?"

Anna blinked at her and opened her mouth, glancing from their parents, to Peter and his wife, to Jamie and finally, to Adam. "I don't understand - ?"

"The reason he's here," Maggie began, before Peter cut in:

"Maggie, stop. Don't interfere."

"Oh, cut the crap Petey – you know as well as I do that this fucking charade they're trying to pull isn't doing anything but fucking things up for both of them!"

"Maggie – stop."

"No, Peter, it's okay – I would like to know what's going on," Anna said, glancing from Adam to Jamie and back again; and then back to Jamie, her gaze lingering on him until she caught his eye. He could literally see the moment the penny dropped. She gave a small, jagged breath, and murmured, "I see."

Maggie rolled her eyes and raised her glass, "Hallelujah."

"Maggie, will you quit it?" Adam snapped, finally, tossing his marble-handled fork on to the plate so hard Jamie was surprised it didn't crack. "For once in your goddamn lives just try not to talk about me as if I wasn't there, okay? Just once..."

Jamie didn't know where to look, so contented himself with the table, slipping his hand across to rest supportively on Adam's knee, and feeling his father's eyes burning into him accusingly. He didn't let go.

There was an uncomfortable silence and no one dared to say anything for a long time. Eventually, Adam's mother got to get feet, asking, "Shall I bring out dessert?" and started to clear away half-eaten plates of chicken and salad.

"Leave it alone!" Adam said so loudly it made Jamie jump, and turn to look at him worriedly. "You started this, mom. You can damn well sit down and deal with it!"

"Don't you dare talk to your mother like that, boy," his father growled, almost getting out of his seat himself.

"Yes. Yes, I fucking will, dad. You just don't understand that I'm not a kid any more, do you? You can't bully me like this – "

"Adam, honey – "

"Mom, just shut up! I just can't deal with this any more... I'm thirty fucking years old!"

"You sure aren't acting like it, son."

"Dad, leave him alone," Maggie said, getting to her feet angrily. "Just give him a goddamn break!"

"Maggie, I'll deal with this myself, sit down. I know you're trying to help, I know that, but just sit down."

Jamie watched as she sat, and realised that Anna was gazing at him, looking as though she was struggling to hold back tears. He had to remind himself that he hadn't just stolen her husband; they were as good as divorced long before he'd even met Adam.

Beside him, Adam's voice gave a pronounced shake as he ground out, "I'm not the person you think I am, and I'm not the boy you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I could never live up to Pete, I'm really fucking sorry I let you down every fucking time I tried to do something to please you, and I'm really, really sorry you ever talked me in to marrying Anna." He turned his gaze to her for a second, and his voice took on a tone of genuine apology as he realised she was crying. "I'm so sorry..."

Jamie took hold of his hand, not caring if it seemed to be rubbing salt in the wound; he couldn't care less about them. It was Adam that mattered.

"But I can't be sorry about this," he continued, half-glancing down at Jamie. "Jamie and... and the Marine Corps... They've been more of a family to me than you ever even wanted to be. For the first time in my life I'm actually appreciated for who I am and what talents I actually have, instead of being a disappointment because of the ones I don't... It's all I ever wanted from you. Just for once, just to accept me and just – just be p-proud of me..." He stopped as his voice cracked, and drew down the expressionless shutters Jamie knew so well, taking a moment to try to compose himself.

Before he could, he father had leaned across the table, regarding him with such contempt that Jamie could feel the words coming before they were spoken. "Proud of you? I didn't know those sort of talents were the kind that won you medals in the military, son. What is there to be proud of?"

The next thing Jamie knew, Adam's hand was being wrenched out of his and Adam was disappearing into the kitchen for the second time that day. Jamie didn't wait to be told to leave, this time, he just got to his feet, looking them at them in disbelief.

"Do y'all know what you just did?" he asked them – all of them – because in his opinion, all but Maggie was responsible for this. "Do you have any idea what you just did to him?" But then it occurred to him not only that they didn't, but that they didn't care either. "But why should you know?" he asked, giving a small, incredulous laugh of disgust. "You can't know Adam at all, 'cause if you did, then – " he was so angry and so hurt his words stuck in his throat. "If you knew him at all, then you would be proud. I'm proud of him. I'm totally fucking proud of him – and I just wish I could tell a few more people about that.

"My family adored him, really adored him. Did you know that?" He gazed at Adam's father, the anger making him nauseous, "I never imagined for one moment that someone like Adam could have been raised by people like you. Especially you. You might wanna have a little talk with your postman, pal, 'cause whoever's genes he's got, they sure as dammit ain't yours! As far as I'm concerned, you can all go to Hell. And unlike you, I do know Adam, and I'm bet my fucking life he's thinking the same goddamn thing, right now."

He pushed his chair back under the table and walked toward the door, pausing only to say, "G'bye, Maggie," before he left.



A handful of days after arriving in Pegasus, when it turned out the only one who'd bought it was Col. Sumner and they could really begin to set up a domestic routine in the abandoned city, the truth of how hard it would be to keep secrets began to sink in. The first disappointment was when Marc Bates, nominated as head of security for the expedition, appointed a handful of military staff to each residential floor to ensure the safety of the civilian members. Of the three main floors, he assigned Jamie to the top, opposite him and three doors from Ford; and Adam down to the lowest, between Dr. Zelenka and Dr. Biro. His paranoid streak attempted to convince him it was deliberate, but he didn't tell Jamie. Jamie would only smile and call him paranoid, anyway. It was alright for him – he was on a floor with all the cool guys.

At the SGC they'd bonded with the other marines and made new friends, new comrades. There were really only a handful of them from Antarctica there; Ford, Allett, Smith, Parker, Fauske – Major Sheppard of course – a couple of the guys who had been on the base before them. Most of the rest were drafted in from black ops or were previously on SG teams. Bates was; SG-17. He liked to think that made him an authority on just about everything. It made everyone else think he was a bit of a dick; but mostly, he was right, so they couldn't complain.

Bates was the sort of guy who held the rule book like a bible and usually couldn't see beyond it, even when the situation called for a little deviation. As much as Marc seemed like a reasonably decent guy, Adam knew that he was going to be their biggest threat. And that was what made him suspicious about his motives for locating Jamie so close to him.


They'd actually done it; made it to Pegasus, saved the city (and some peculiar locals), and most of their men. They deserved a party. Of course, the only people getting any champagne were the command section and for some reason that seemed to include Adam; it hadn't quite sunk in that he was now fourth in the chain of command. If he could have slapped his mom and dad in the face with that one he would have loved to. It was something to celebrate; but he gave his tin cup to Jamie as they stood in their quiet corner of the balcony, Jamie interrogating him about what the Wraith planet was like, and complaining that he had been worried sick back in the city.

They stayed where they were while everyone else crowded round to listen to Weir's little congratulation speech; not far enough away for it to be noticeable, but far enough away that they felt like they were there together, instead of just as part of the group. It was comforting, even a little sexy, to have Jamie leaning on his shoulder in a companionable manner and feeling the warmth radiating from him in the chill night breeze. It reminded him of Kansas, and falling asleep on the ridge, waking to the first rays of daylight and Jamie sprawled across him; and wishing a week could last a lifetime.

He was about to lean in and whisper something tender to him, a little caught up in the moment, when he raised his eyes and caught Marc's gaze staring back at him. His expression was barely readable, but one of his eyebrows was slightly quirked, his mouth set in a firm, thin line. For a long second or two they both just stared at each other, Adam's strategic mind taking over and forcing him to eventually smile and wave, beckoning to him. Pretending they had nothing to hide.

Marc just smirked and raised his mug a little in acknowledgement before turning away.



Nights on Atlantis rapidly became the worst part. The city was so quiet and felt strangely dead after the hub of the day's activities faded; it was then that company would have been most appreciated by both of them, but there was no subtle way to slip in or out of each other’s quarters. If there was an alert, they had no excuse for not being in their own rooms. Yet by the end of the week of the accident in the puddlejumper, Adam had spent the better part of four whole nights with Jamie, just hoping he'd get a break from the nightmares.

The first time it happened, Adam was walking slowly down a dimly-lit corridor, turning over the day's events in his mind. Most of the base was sleeping peacefully, safe in the knowledge that they were being watched over by a handful of over-tired marines who probably couldn’t shoot straight if their own lives depended on it. The P90 in his hands was held so tightly his palms were starting to ache. Days ago, he had seen a vast black cloud engulf Aiden, here, in this very corridor.

He stood before the transporter for a moment, pondering his actions and trying to convince himself that he had done all he could; but there was still a low, sick feeling in his stomach that made him question it.

Adam walked into the rec room, having been searching for Jamie for the past twenty minutes, and found him sitting on the couch with Ford, in fits of laughter. It made his stomach drop painfully. Ford didn't even share their mess; he was an officer. He and Sheppard had their own rec room all to themselves – why did he need to hang out in theirs?

"Heya, Stacks," Jamie said, smiling up at him, his eyes all wide the way he looked when he was about to manipulate him into doing something embarrassing and unmarine-like.

"Hi," he returned, picking up the book he had left on a side table. "I'll just be... somewhere else."

Jamie's expression slumped gradually into something like guilt, as Ford scratched his ear and looked between them uncomfortably. Adam just turned and left.


In the mess hall, Adam walked in one lunch time to find Ford and Jamie sitting together at a table near the back, throwing fries at each other. If it had been McDonald, the annoying prodigal geologist from 'sorta near the other side of Wichita' and Jamie, it wouldn't have mattered. If it had been the first time that week it might not have mattered, either.

The first time, he took his tray over, sat down; they greeted him easily and he pushed his dessert on to Jamie's tray without a word. Aiden addressed him as if he'd been there for the whole conversation and grinned as he waved his spoon around, illustrating his story.

The second time, breakfast before they took a hike out to some planet the Athosians wanted to show them because of its natural orchards, he'd arranged to meet Jamie at the canteen at 0645. By 0647, when he was delayed by Bates stopping him in the corridor to tell him things that he would only tell him again in the briefing, Jamie was already half way though a slice of toast while Ford poured his mug half full of sugar. Adam had tried not to feel put out, but it ruined his mood for the rest of the day.

Today, Adam took his tray and sat with Allett and Cooper. When Jamie walked over to put his own tray away and spotted Adam sitting with the others, he stood for a moment with his head slightly cocked and his eyebrows slightly pinched up in the middle. Adam felt guilty; but that he'd made his point.

Two days later, when he stopped by Jamie's room after he got back on-world to find him with his t-shirt in his hand and Ford sitting on the desk, swinging his legs, he took that back.

"Should I come back later?" he found himself asking, sounding stiff with suppressed anger. Or maybe it was hurt.

"Nah, you're cool," Ford replied, waving him in and smiling as it was his own room. "Marky-boy's just getting changed to come up for his first flying lesson! Cool, huh?"

Jamie pulled his t-shirt over his head and said nothing.

"Yeah. Cool." He walked out and straight back to his own quarters, desperate for a door to slam. It seemed inconsiderate of the Ancients never to have thought of those.



What if he'd subconsciously left Ford to the entity on purpose?



As he turned away he heard the familiar click and scrape of the doors opening and immediately whirled around, gun raised and ready to shoot, his heart thumping as if it would burst. He quickly lowered his weapon when he was met with a bedraggled, pale-faced Jamie, barefoot and dressed in nothing but track pants and an old t-shirt. His hair was squashed into strange angles and he had creases on his face from his pillow.

"Adam?"

"Jamie, what are you doing down here? Are you okay?"

Jamie didn't answer; he reached out and grasped him tightly, burying his face in Adam's neck. He did that mainly when he was shaken up about something; like it was some sort of comfort blanket. Adam held on to him for as long as he dared, before gently pushing him back and looking him over, carefully. The younger man's eyes were wide and glassy; he swallowed with obvious difficulty and Adam immediately moved closer to him again, wanting to offer some comfort, but knowing that any moment Bates or Smith could walk around the corner. When Jamie shook his head and took a shuddering breath, Adam guided him back into the transporter murmuring, "Hey… hey, what’s wrong?" he reached up and stroked a stray lock of hair back from the other man's forehead. "How d'you even know where to find me?"

"Listening in on the radio… I just-" he pressed the heels of both hands into his eyes and leaned in for Adam to embrace him, eventually pressing his face into his shoulder and explaining, "I just needed to see you."

"Why?"

He didn't answer directly, instead he placed a few small kisses on the side of Adam's jaw and asked, "Can you come by my room, later?"

"Well, if I can get there without being seen, sure. Are you gonna tell me what's up?"

"Can you stay?"

"Not all night, but I will for a while."

Jamie nodded. "'I'll wait for you."

As soon as Cooper came to relieve him of his patrol, he slipped into the transporter and travelled across the city to the control tower. He didn't knock on Jamie's door, but slid his hand over the wall panel and stepped inside, making sure it closed and locked behind him. He could make out the shape of Jamie's body, curled up on the bed, breathing slowly and possibly asleep, and he carefully removed his webbing and his boots, then settled down beside him fully clothed. Laying his head on the pillow and tucking an arm across him from behind, Adam frowned as he realised the pillow was damp.

"Jay?" he whispered, placing a soothing kiss on the back of his neck. "Are you crying?"

"No," the other man said, clearing his throat a little, "It's probably just drool."

"Oh. Nice," he teased as Jamie turned over in his arms and buried his face in his neck, clutching him tightly.

"You're… still in your gear…"

"Yeah, I just got here."

"Aren't you going to stay awhile?" Jamie asked, pulling back to look at him dejectedly.

"I can't stay all night."

"Adam – "

"I wish I could, Jamie. You know I do. You also know that I can't… not with Bates across the hall and Ford three down. If something happens, and we're put on alert, they're gonna see me coming out of here and figure out that there's something going on. It's already after 3.30am…" Adam kissed him gently on the forehead as Jamie burrowed back into his neck and started feeling for the zipper on Adam's jacket. "You know I want to be here…"

He felt him nod against his chin and begin to fumble with the jacket, trying to push it out of the way while lifting his regulation black t-shirt, and eventually Adam gave in and pushed Jamie back so he could just remove them himself.

Jamie was watching him, when he looked back. Not in the way he usually did when they were alone like this, but as if he wanted to say something and wasn't sure how to put it. His fingers were fumbling awkwardly with Adam's jacket, now in a ball on his lap.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just thinking."

"About?"

"Us."

Adam's heart skipped, painfully, "Us?"

"Just… you do know I love you, right?"

He paused, gazing at him until he managed, "I sort of hoped so." It was the truest answer he could give.

Jamie nodded silently, as if accepting this, and instead turned his attention to Adam's belt. After a few moments he added, "'Cause if we'd died today I'd've wanted to know you knew that."

"I knew."

"Good." He leant down to kiss him, then started to pull off his own t-shirt.

Adam reached out to run his thumb over the scar on Jamie's chest from when he was, in his words, 'shot one time', long before they met. Adam had plenty of his own, including one from a burst appendix at four years old, but at times like this, they reminded him way too much of just how mortal they were.

"You knew too, right?" he asked, running his fingers lightly over Jamie's dark hair as he shifted to work kisses down the side of Adam's chest.

"Hm?"

"You knew. Didn't you?"

Jamie raised his head for a moment and looked at him as if he was trying to figure him out; "I was counting on it. Or, I would have been if I had time to think about it…"

"Is that what you were so upset about?" Adam asked, half sitting up as realisation dawned. "About what happened in the jumper?"

Jamie gave a tired sigh and pulled away, "I was trying to think of other things."

"You know that wasn't your fault."

"I just feel bad, Adam. Like there was something I could've done and that next time maybe Dr. McKay won't be there to fix things up… And then I had this really, really bad dream and… Please. I'd just like to make believe it didn't happen, right now."

Adam shifted and sat up, moving closer until he was kneeling in front of him. "Okay," he nodded, running the tips of his fingers over the nape of Jamie's neck because he knew it ticked him, "I'll see what I can do…"

It was just a few hours later that he climbed out of bed and pulled his gear back on. He had to be back in his own quarters, showered and ready for what promised to be a nightmarish meeting by 0830. Jamie woke as he sat down to lace his boots. He was sleepy and half-coherent, and he sat upright, rubbing at his eyes; then leaned over and buried his face in the back of Adam's shoulder.

"You stayed too long..."

"Yeah, I know."

"I'm sorry."

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have fallen asleep." And you needed me, he didn't add, not wanting Jamie to feel as though he was a burden.

"Y'have to go?"

"I can't risk walking out of here later when more people will be up to see me do it."

"And creeping out of my room first thing in the morning doesn't look at all suspicious or anything..."

"Not if nobody sees." He climbed to his feet, out of Jamie's grip, and zipped up his vest.

Behind him, Jamie lay back against the pillow and asked, "So, what are we doing today?"

"I've got a staffing meeting and then we're doing some on-world exploration. There are huge sections of the city we still need to secure."

"I should get up."

"Ya think?"

"Ah, shut up."

"Really, I'm gonna go, Jay," Adam told him, stepping nearer the door and pausing to adjust the strap on his thigh holster. He almost pitched head-first into the door when a stark naked Jamie startled him with a cuddle from behind.

"Were you actually going to leave here without kissing me goodbye?"

Adam untangled himself and gave him the kiss he wanted; "Are you feeling better, today?"

"Yeah," Jamie said, nodding and giving him an unconvincing grin.

"I love you." Now seemed as good a time as any to say out loud what he'd been thinking for months; since he knew it was reciprocated.

Jamie gazed at him as if he had just told him the Atlantean ocean was a cunningly disguised beer reserve. "You do."

"I do."

"Me too."

Adam made an incredulous noise. "I know you love you. Everyone loves you!"

"You're so jealous..."

"I'm so leaving..."

Jamie laughed and kissed him quickly. "I'll see you in a couple of hours. Get me on your team, okay?"

"You're kidding, right? I'll be sick of the sight of you by the end of the week!"

"But you looove me!"

"It's an easily revocable privilege. Go shower. I'll see you later." He gave him a little shove towards the bathroom and opened the door, stepping out into the corridor still looking over his shoulder and grinning happily.

As he turned back, he felt his face turn instantly crimson.

"Good morning, Sgt. Stackhouse," Bates said, his arms folded across his chest as he leaned in his doorway. "Up early?"

"Yeah," Adam said, feeling his throat tightening. "Yeah, Markham asked me to wake him this morning."

"Let me guess, breakfast in bed?"

"Complete with a single red rose," Adam replied, aiming for deadpan and sliding precariously towards 'ask me, I dare you'.

"You only finished duty a couple of hours ago."

"And I have to be back on for 0830."

"That's over an hour and a half."

"Really?" He looked at his watch. "Damn, I must be running an hour fast. I guess I'll head back to my room for a while." He started to turn towards the transporter and stopped dead when Bates added:

"You do that. I'll check on Markham in a couple of minutes - if that's okay with you, Sergeant. Wouldn't want to tread on your toes, or anything."

Adam turned back and regarded him with a stony gaze. Bates quirked his eyebrow and backed into his room, shaking his head.


Adam hadn't even had to ask for Jamie to join his team, Sheppard had assigned him to off-world and told him that 'Markham' would be with him as he carried the ATA. Nikko Yamato, Christian Corrigan, Halling, Adam and Jamie were dubbed, imaginatively, 'Stackhouse's Team' and appointed as the primary anthropological recon squad (or, ‘Go see if anyone here’s invented the wheel, yet’). He'd then assigned Bates to city-based activity, meaning he'd barely get off world.

Jamie had decided then that Sheppard was something close to saintly.

But as he sat on the bed in the infirmary, Dr. Beckett wrapping up his arm in a plaster cast while his right cheek burned under the thick square of gauze and surgical tape, he wondered if Sheppard had made a terrible mistake. Adam was leaning against the foot of the next bed, looking tense and pale, his arms folded across his chest in a way Jamie couldn't distinguish between pissed and defensive. And Jamie wasn't the only one who noticed.

"Y'okay, son? You're looking a bit pale. Would you like to have a seat and I'll give yeh a glance over when I've finished with Markham, 'ere?"

Jamie glanced across at Adam, staring fixedly at the floor and not showing any signs of having heard. "I don't think a band aid and Tylenol is what he needs, right now, Doc."

"Oh, aye? Well, I'm afraid I've run out of Mammies, so it's Tylenol if you've a bump or Heightmeyer if you've a problem, I'm afraid..." He smiled at them both, and when neither returned it, he frowned and asked, "What on Earth happened to you lads, out there?"

They were running back towards the gate, Halling's long strides carrying him ahead of the rest of them by some distance, Nikko just ahead of Jamie, who was keeping pace with Christian to make sure he made it back, Adam bringing up their six. Behind them, a whole bunch of natives were firing burning arrows, some riding ugly and whole-heartedly terrifying beasts that looked like a cross between giant wasps and small dragons.

There hadn't been an opportunity to speak to anyone; they'd made tracks towards the nearest settlement, and suddenly found themselves under attack. So they ran.

The Gate was in a small copse of trees, surrounded by a stretch of barren, shingled wasteland; difficult to run on and particularly nasty to crash down on. And Jamie did just that, taking most of the skin off his cheek and snapping his arm just above the wrist when some sort of crude missile fell just behind him and Christian. Chris stumbled to his knees and was back on his feet in a second but stopped and turned to check on Jamie when he heard him cursing in pain.

"GO! I'm okay – GO!" he panted, dragging his good arm underneath himself to try to get up. He was grateful that of all the scientists they'd lucked out and got one of the few sensible ones; Corrigan did exactly as he was told. The next second, there were hands on the shoulders of his vest, hauling him to his feet without really breaking pace. Adam shoved him ahead and made him run, even though his leg was scraped as badly as his face and stung like a bitch.

It wasn't until they reached the tree line that Jamie realised his breast pocket was torn and empty. He turned in a panic, sure he'd lost the small collection of trinkets he carried with him on missions to remind him of home.

"Shit – I lost my… my little baggie – I have to… I can’t just leave it – ”

Adam gazed at him for a moment, and the look of resignation was terrifying. “Go. Get back to the city. I’ll be right behind you.”

“What? You’re not – ”

“You need medical attention. Get out of here. And that’s an order, Sergeant.”

“But – ”

He didn’t even have time to finish before Adam shoved him towards the Gate and sprinted back towards the trough of stones created when Jamie fell. All Jamie could do was watch, there was no way he could shoot a P90 properly and a berretta wouldn’t do much more damage than a blow dart at this distance, but there was no way he was leaving him, even if it meant disobeying a direct order.

His heart hammered against his rib cage as an arrow bounced off the stones at Adam’s feet, just as he skidded to a stop, reaching down to grab the small pouch from the floor. He took a few seconds to spray the nearest with bullets, and the cry one of the beasts made as it fell from the air, crushing its rider beneath it, made Jamie’s eyes water.

“Come on, come on…” he muttered to himself, the race back to the cover of the trees taking forever. He just stared in confusion as Adam stopped and raised his P90, pointing it straight at him.

“DROP!”

Jamie dropped. Hard. His arm was squashed beneath him again and the pain squeezed tears beneath his eyelashes. He could hear Adam firing and found himself thinking, distantly, that it was so fucking typical of him to throw himself down on top of a broken arm.

The sound of feet on gravel was closely followed by more rounds being fired. Lots of them. He rolled over to the sight of a dead native with a large serrated knife, laying on his back, being pumped full of bullets. He was clearly dead, but Adam still stood there, barely moving, but fixedly emptying his magazine into the man's chest.

"Adam? Adam, you're wasting ammo – stop it."

Adam was expressionless, except for the barest quake to his lip, but he stopped firing.

"Adam?" Jamie tried again, climbing to his feet and clutching his arm. "We need to go, they're still coming..." That seemed to snap Adam out of it, and he immediately bundled Jamie towards the still active gate, not letting him go until they were standing in the control room.

"We just... had a little altercation," Jamie told Beckett, trying to smile and hissing with pain when it pulled at the skin on his face.

"The two o' yous? The rest of your team came back through that bloody gate like a bat out of Hell – I thought yeh'd been set upon."

"We were."

They both looked up as Adam spoke, but he didn't say anything else, just looked as it he was trying to remember whether he'd left the gas on. And then... he just walked out.

Jamie watched him go, and sighed. Something was very, very wrong, right now.

"Something I said?" Beckett asked, concentrating on the cast.

"Nah," Jamie lied, "he just needs a cookie..."

"Is that another one of your military euphemisms for some form of narcotic or other?"


"No... he just needs a cookie and a glass of milk and for someone to convince him he's not responsible for the future of the entire Universe..."

"Ah. The Sheppard Complex."

"... And a hug."

"Aye, well, him and just about every other person on this flaming city."

They were quiet for a while, Dr. Beckett neatly working on the cast, Jamie watching the movements of his hands, almost hypnotised.

"You're close, aren't yeh?"

"Huh?"

"Let's just say it hasn't gone entirely unnoticed that yeh spend, well... a lot of time in each other's company."

"Have people been saying something?" Jamie asked, sounding much sharper and more panicked than was really appropriate. He couldn't keep himself in check quite as much as Adam could. But after today, he was starting to think that Adam bottling things up was far from a virtue.

"Not that I know of. I jes noticed that yeh seem close. I know yeh shared a room at the complex on Antarctica, so you'll have known each other a while..."

Relieved, Jamie nodded and admitted, "Oh. Yeah... I guess we are." He hesitated, wanting so much to just confide in someone, but afraid of anything he said coming back to bite him – or Adam – in the ass. He really missed Joni more than anything, right now. "I think it might take more than a cookie, Doc..."

Dr Beckett raised his eyes and made it clear that he was listening, without saying a word.

"I... I've never seen him like that – not even when his dad said he couldn't be proud of a qu – " he stopped himself mid-sentence as he realised what he was saying. "Never mind."

"Yeh've met his parents?" Beckett asked, smiling, "That's nice."

Jamie kept his mouth shut and looked away. Adam was going to hate him for this.

"Son?" Jamie reluctantly looked back at him. He was so fucked, now. "I'm not military. And I'm a doctor. If there's something you want to say, I'm professionally bound not to breathe a word."

Maybe it was because he was a doctor, or maybe it was just because he was such a nice, genuine guy, but Jamie trusted Beckett. He trusted him enough to softly confess, "I can't tell, Doc."

Beckett took a deep breath. "Oh, aye?"

"Aye. Rules and all..."

"Stuff the rules, son. They're bloody ridiculous anyway, if you ask me."

"But if anyone finds out... D'you know that back home, if they felt like it, we could be locked up for a whole half decade for this? Or they could just throw us out of the corps."

"Yes, I know. But this isn't Earth and Maj. Sheppard's about as likely to do that to you as Rodney is to win a marathon."

"But it's the rules."

"Aye? And how does he plan teh send yous both home?"

"Well, Bates'd make our lives hell, anyway..."

"Bates is an unhappy lad; he's probably jes jealous that you're not as lonely as everyone else around here."

They both stopped as one of the other medical staff walked in and began changing one of the beds at the far end.

"I tell yeh what, you come and help me in my office for a wee while. I could do with an extra pair – " he paused and glanced at Jamie's arm and flashed him a grin, "well, an extra hand at any rate..."



Adam was standing in his room, not really doing anything consciously, just standing in the middle of the room thinking, when Sheppard's voice broke the silence through the static of his earpiece, laying discarded on his bed. He absently ignored it for a minute, before realising his CO was talking to him, and scrambled to pick it up.

When Jamie walked in a little while later, Adam didn't even look at him. He was too hurt to really say anything, and he was too exhausted and depressed for an argument anyway.


"Adam? Fuck – get back in here!" He could feel Jamie's hand grabbing at him and holding on as if he thought he was going to try to jump off the window ledge he was sitting on. As it happened, he had no intention of doing so, but he was curious as to how long it would take to hit the ground if he fell.

"We didn't all get balconies..."

"I... guess not...." Jamie replied, looking at him as if he was afraid that Adam was going crazy. "Is everything -?"

"Okay? I dunno; is it?"

"Uh. What?"

"Forget it." Adam shrugged his hand off and drew his legs back into the room before hopping down and going over to sit on his bed. Jamie just stood awkwardly where he was, pulling his 'confused and anxious' face. "What did you say to Sheppard?"

Jamie's mouth dropped open and the 'confused and anxious' face morphed abruptly into the 'aw, crap' one. Adam knew it pretty well. Jamie had developed a real bad habit of saying ambiguous things in unfortunate company, lately, so he'd seen it a lot.

"I wanted to get down here and tell you myself... I didn't want you to hear it from them..."

"Telling me before you did it would have been more effective. Talking to me about it, maybe."

"I couldn't, Adam... if I'd told you I couldn't have gone through with it!"

"Maybe there's a reason for that."

"Adam..." He moved over and sat on the bed beside him twisting his good arm at a difficult angle to try to turn Adam's face toward him. Adam just gave a heavy sigh and pushed his hand away gently. "Oh, c'mon, Adam... don't do this. You know that I had to leave the team after this. It's too risky. I can't leave you behind and you... well, you're all out to risk your ass to save a coupla pieces of tat I took from home. It's a bad, bad mix."

"Talking of the 'tat from home' – you swore you wouldn't bring that photo. You promised me, Jamie."

"I didn't promise! Not... It wasn't a promise."

"'Okay, if it bothers you that much, I won't bring it' isn't a promise?"

"I'm sorry... I only brought it 'cause I wanted to make sure I had something... Adam, you know how I feel about this! I couldn't get stuck with nothing if... I told you how I feel."

"And so did I."

"Oh, c'mon! You can't expect me not to want to keep something –"

"Jamie, what part of 'we get found out and they're going to split us up' don't you get? You carry on like this and that goddamn picture really is all you're gonna have!"

Jamie faltered, fumbling over his words, "What... is that a warning or... a threat?"

"You don't even want to push that issue, right now. You really don't."

"Because I brought along a picture?"

Adam didn't even dignify that particular question with an answer, he just cast Jamie a pointed look and shook his head.

"Y'know... Dr. Beckett says he doesn't think Maj. Sheppard would do anything..."

It took a few seconds for that comment to fully register in Adam's mind. And then the panic, and the absurdity of it, hit him like a freight train. "You told Beckett? You told the Chief Medical Officer? Fuck, Jamie - that's as fucking good as just walking up and telling command youself!"

"It's a matter of patient confidentiality."

"It'll go on your profile, right there with the fucking broken arm!"

"No – it was off the record. He told me that himself! I didn't even have to ask!"

If he hadn't already been sitting, Adam would have collapsed onto the nearest chair; instead he just dropped his head into his hands. "We're so screwed."

"Adam – "

"Okay, just don't. Don't even speak to me."

"The silent treatment isn't going to work on me, Adam. You couldn't avoid me around here, even if you wanted to. And you don't. You just want to sit around feeling like they're going to put you in front of the firing squad so you can do what your parents can't any more."

It didn't take the feel of a sucker-punch to the stomach to tell Adam exactly how true that was; admitting it was just another matter.

"Adam, seriously... please... I don't want this to get ruined 'cause of other people."

"It isn't 'other people' walking around the city telling our business."

"Okay, so I don't want to ruin this, either. I came out here for a reason."

"I was starting to think that didn't matter so much."

When Jamie spoke it was so quiet it seemed strange to hear it in his voice. "What are you talking about?"

"Ford. Your new best buddy."

"Aiden? What does Aiden have to do with this?"

"You tell me."

"Aiden has nothing to do with this! He has nothing to do with this at all – he's my friend. He's supposed to be our friend - like Chris and Marlon and Coops and Marc, for what it's worth. You don't seriously think I'd ever...? That's really kinda... Aiden. Really, Adam – really – it ain't happening."

"Whatever you say..."

"Are you serious? You think Aiden...? Worse: you think me and Aiden -! He's like, I mean... I could never, y'know... What the hell made you think that – that me and Aiden...?"

Jamie's face had the words 'Ew' and 'Oh, hell no' written all over it. So maybe it was just a one-way thing; maybe Adam had made it worse by drawing Jamie's attention to the fact. So why stop there?

"Oh, I dunno... could be the fact I feel like I'm not part of the club when he's around. Or the fact he won't stop touching you – "

"Aiden touches everybody!"

" – or the fact you seem to prefer to spend time in his company more than you do mine, recently. And seeing as you just upped and left the team, I guess you'll have more time to do that, now."

"Adam," Jamie said gently, as if afraid of setting him off, "this is all in your head... There's nothing going on between me and Aiden that isn't completely, completely platonic. I mean, I guess he's a good looking enough guy, but... that's so far beside the point it's crazy. I'm not interested in him. Not even a little bit."

"Well, he's sure as hell got a crush on you."

"You mean, apart from the crush he has on Teyla? That time you walked into the mess and walked out all pissed at me – was that because you thought something was going on? I always wondered... Y'know, I really think I'd need to grow a pair of large ones before he'd even consider that. He's straight, Adam. As a fucking spirit rule."

Adam scowled at his hands. Jamie just about had an answer for anything. But still nothing felt right. Eventually, Jamie slid off the bed to crouch in front of him, the large wad of surgical cotton replaced by a huge square band-aid, his arm wrapped up in a sling. He looked scared and the wincing as he tried to find a position comfortable for his grazed knees made Adam want to wrap his arms around him. But he just couldn't.

"Please don't be pissed with me... I know what's really getting to you, and I did it because I don't want you to get yourself killed. I get that you don't agree, right now, but what'd be the point in saving me if you got yourself killed doing it, huh? I came here to be with you, not to watch you die."

"And I don't want to not be there if you do..."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You can't know that."

"Doesn't matter. Whatever happens, Adam, I'm gonna stick around... do you understand what I'm saying?"

Adam closed his eyes and nodded. It wasn't even worth trying to speak. There wasn't any point in Jamie being 'around' if he couldn't see him, or touch him, or speak to him...

Jamie sighed and murmured, 'okay', reaching out his good arm to wrap it around Adam's neck and pull him close. Adam reached out and crushed him in a hug, burying his face in Jamie's shoulder the way Jamie always did to him.

"Don't even think about this, Adam."

"A second later and he would have had that knife in your throat...."

"And if one of those guys on the giant bug-lizards would have shot a little higher, you'd have had an arrow in the chest. How do you think I would've felt, watching you go and get yourself killed because I dropped a few stupid bits of sentimental crap?"

The 'sentimental crap' included the picture of them on the steps at his folks' house, a tiny worry doll, two inches high, that Lucy had made him, and a plastic pod from a Kinder Egg, sellotaped shut and filled with mud from the yard on the farm. It had burst in the little canvas pouch when Jamie landed on it, and Adam had spent ten minutes carefully scraping as much of it as he could together on his desk and re-sealing it. Adam had been glad to leave the incessant rain and bitter sea air of Seattle, but Kansas was home to Jamie, and he missed it.

Jamie pushed him away a little and dabbed a kiss to his cheek, "You're goddamn hard work, Adam – you're moody and you're stubborn and you're seriously needy – but I wouldn't quit you for anything. Don't you dare forget that." His eyes were bright and steady as Adam gazed down at him, like he was willing him to believe it. And he wanted to, so very desperately, but there was still the little nagging feeling that something about this was just too good to last. So he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Jamie's, saying nothing. "Adam? You're not going anywhere, either, right?"

Adam shook his head against Jamie's.

"Promise?"

"As much as I can..."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Good," Jamie said, taking his hand and kissing his knuckles. "Do you mind if I get off the floor, now? It really fucking hurts."

---

Part Five