Pieces: 5/6 - Until the End - Stackhouse/Markham

[rosiedoes]

Betas: shiny_starlight & darkmoon711
Rating: PG-13ish
Pairing: Stackhouse/Markham
Summary: An allegory in pieces. You know how it ends.
Spoilers: Various for season one; particularly The Brotherhood.
Warnings: Character death in later chapters.



Pieces: 5/6
Until the End
Or the last thing I see.

Being on separate teams was hard at first. Waking up every day and knowing that he would be stepping away and leaving Jamie on the other side of the galaxy turned his gut to lead every time Adam opened his eyes. It was worse when Jamie was there; he hated acting as if he was just heading off to the office, would be back at six and the greatest danger he'd face was getting caught in a Seattle downpour.

Gradually, he was beginning to accept that relationships in the military were possibly a bad idea, after all. But it was too late for that, now. And after a while, if he ignored the potential for mortal wounding, being sucked into space, permanently dematerialised or having his – or Jamie's – soul sucked out, the routine was actually a little soothing. He was slowly becoming convinced that yes, when he got back on-world tonight Jamie would be there; they would have dinner with Ford and Christian, and some of the guys; Bates would look at them like he could see through everything and Jamie would make some smartassed comment about it. Because that was what happened nearly every day.

Of course, there were times when things stepped up in tempo a little, became a little fierce and tensions ran high. It was only natural, when you were stuck sharing a mess with people who insisted upon acting like assholes. He and Bates had been clashing more and more frequently, in the past few weeks. Marc knew Jamie's departure from the team had something to do with Adam's inability to emotionally detach in the face of danger, and he was making more and more hints that he knew what was going on between them.

Adam hadn't even been in the room, when the conversation began, but when he did walk in, most of the guys were sitting around, talking about home. They staved it off as much as possible, but sometimes it was easy to slip into reminiscing. Adam avoided those conversations like the plague and wasn't comfortable walking into one, either. Not least when it was Bates waxing delusional about how fantastic Earth was and how great and close and perfect his family was. He always wanted to ask him why, if they were so great, he had willingly walked away and come to another galaxy when he might never see them again.

He'd held his tongue for fear of getting Bates pissed enough that he did something petty.

Jamie called out to him, as he walked in; he was draped over one of the supposed 'comfortable' chairs sideways, hanging limp so he could see the doorway. Some of the other guys from the on-world security team were hanging out together, Bates apparently regaling them with some anecdote about playing basketball with his kid brother.

"Hey, Stack!" Jamie grinned, reaching out one of his hands absently, "C'mon in – Marc's telling us another great story about his family."

Adam low-fived his hand to cover the mistake and immediately began mentally scanning through applicable excuses for not joining them.

"Come join us, man!" Cooper agreed, beckoning him in with both hands.

"Nah – I can't, I have to –"

"Yeaaaaah, y'can! He's going to tell us how proud his daddy is of him, next, right Marc?"

"Lucky for some," Adam muttered absently, ruffling at his hair and turning to wander back out, as if he'd forgotten something.

Bates' voice, sharp and level behind him, retorted, "Well, if you didn't give him anything to be ashamed of..."

Still hanging over the arm of the chair, Jamie watched Adam become suddenly very still and had a horrible feeling that he was going to get as mad as he had on the planet with the giant bugs. It was a relief when he finally just swung out into the corridor and left them there.

"Truth hurts..." Bates muttered smugly, as some of the others exchanged looks.

Jamie sat up and kicked him hard in the arm with a socked foot. "You mean son of a bitch! What's Stack ever done to you?"

"Sgt. Markham, you just assaulted a senior NCO."

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Marcus. You didn't have to say that."

"A little close to home, Sergeant?"

"Hell, yeah, it's close to home! Geez... get a fucking clue."

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Bates asked, the expression on his face no longer blank, but faintly tense, as if he didn't actually want to hear if he did.

"Are you asking?" Jamie demanded getting to his feet and standing over him, daring him to push the issue. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Fauske and Cooper sitting up a little straighter in their seats as things got more exciting.

Marc heaved himself off of the couch and folded his arms, arching his eyebrow challengingly. "You think I should be?"

"Well, it ain't your business to. So, no."

"Is that right?" Bates asked carefully.

"Listen, if I wanna look out for my friend I'll do it. He's doesn't deserve your shit."

"You know, seems like you've got a little vested interest, there, Sergeant."

Jamie lost his temper just a little, and seriously contemplated smacking him in the mouth; but true to form, Bates was right on the nail. Instead he sighed, "It's 'cause I know what a friend is. I don't understand you, Bates. We're all on the same side, ain't we? Not that it's any of your fucking business, but Stack's family cut him off right before we came here. He's got no one to think about going home to, and no one back there wondering if he's okay, 'cept maybe his kid sister. We're the closest thing to family the guy's got and you're really not making it easy on him."

Bates seemed to chew this over for a minute, while the others cast each other guilty, uncomfortable glances. "What did he do?" Bates asked eventually, his tone level and suspicious.

Jamie gazed at him for a minute, sucking his teeth. Bates had a pretty good idea already, Jamie knew that. "That's none of anyone's business, but Adam's," he shrugged.

"And yours, apparently," Bates added.

"Yeah," Jamie muttered, giving up and making for the door, "And mine."

He was only a few metres down the hall when Bates caught up with him. He scanned the corridor and backed Jamie almost up to a wall. "Listen to me, Sergeant," he said, in a low voice, "You are walking thin ice. I don't want to see the efficiency of my teams jeopardised because some people think they know better than years of established protocol."

"The Book isn't always right, Bates," Jamie told him, finding it difficult to look him in the eye. Bates' gaze could be far too piercing.

"I'm giving you a warning, Jamie – as your pal, as much as your SNCO: this can only go very, very wrong. You are a damn good marine, don't put yourself in this position."

"Well, as a 'friend', I'm telling you that you don't know what it is you're saying. And it's none of your business."

"Markham," Bates ground out, jabbing him in the shoulder, "If your fucking around affects the team, I will call you on it, and that is a promise."

Jamie gathered the courage to actually look him in the eye, and said, as confidently as he could, "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."


The latest incident had arisen when Bates questioned Adam's ability to shoot a gun 'with wrists that weak' and nearly earned himself a demonstration of just how capable he was. Adam found himself skulking off and sitting in a tiny room lit only by an even tinier skylight, for a few hours. He brooded over the increasingly threatening insinuations, over the consequences and over how much he'd like to take the butt of his P90 to Bates' face; and realised that he was almost beyond caring. He was tired of caring. Earth seemed so far away, now, so remote. Truth be told, he was beginning to feel claustrophobic. More claustrophobic than he even had in Antarctica. He hadn't had Bates on his back all the time, there; sharing a room with Jamie had spoiled him for the reality of life as a marine – something he'd forgotten until they reached Atlantis. Private time was easy when people expected you to be in a room alone together. So many strangers around them, without any concept of why they were even friends, made it uncomfortable.

Sometimes he wondered why he still cared. Jamie had been right all along – there was very little Sheppard or Weir could do to them, here. Short of kicking them off on a deserted planet, there were very few places to put them and Weir could never justify that sort of behaviour. What else was there for them to do? They needed every marine and ever scientist they had; especially since they'd lost people, recently. It still felt strange that his patrol rota never crossed with Heller's any more; walking past Parker's quarters and finding the door perpetually closed tight when it had always been open. Would the need of the many ever be able to counter the prejudices of the few? He honestly couldn't tell any more.


He walked into the mess hall and skidded his tray onto the table where Jamie sat prodding at his dessert, alone. Neither of them spoke at first. Jamie continued eating with barely a glance in his direction until Adam said, "You didn't wanna sit with the guys?"

"And have my wrists insulted in front of everyone, too? Sure, I did," Jamie replied, "Almost as much as I wanted to be strung up by my nuts and used as a piñata."

They exchanged smirks and Jamie added, more seriously, "Y'okay?"

"Just dandy," Adam muttered sarcastically, scooping up something oily and brown with orange lumps in and dripping it off the spoon, nauseously. He gave a heavy sigh and pushed his tray to the side, bored of playing with food he had no intention of eating.

Jamie looked up at him with his head tilted, slightly, and shifted his knee to nudge lightly against Adam's. "I wish you wouldn't let him get to you so much. It's like the Doc said – he's pissed because he can see we're happy."

"Are we?"

Jamie gazed at him for few seconds before digging back into the sugary splodge on his tray.

Adam's heart sank, guiltily. Now he'd gone and hurt Jamie's feelings in return for Bates screwing with his own. Great. Taking a deep breath, he nudged back at him under the table. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I'm fine. Really. Look, are you done?"

Jamie looked, torn, at his half-eaten dessert, "Um… sure." He scooped up one last, heaped mouthful, and put the spoon back on his tray. "Where are we going?"

"Anywhere."

"Anywhere?"

"Somewhere that isn't your quarters or my quarters or the rec room. I'm going stir-crazy staring at the same walls all the time. I just want to go find someplace different," Adam explained, in a low voice.

"Y'been 'someplace different' all afternoon, Adam..."

"Well, now I'd like to be 'someplace different' with you and do this 'happy' thing you're so keen on. Unless you have any other ideas…"

Jamie stopped abruptly, right beside the stack of used trays, and grabbed his arm with an excited smile. "I do."

There was a laugh from behind them and Dr. Grodin gave them a suggestive wink and teased, "Am I invited to the reception?" before sashaying off towards the door.

Jamie's smile turned mischievously guilty. "Come with me."

As soon as they were in the corridor, and far enough away from the crowded mess hall, Adam pulled him into one of the empty labs and closed the door.

"You're not winning any prizes for subtlety, Sergeant."

"I know, I know – bad Jamie – but listen, why don't we see if Dr. Weir will let us take a jumper out? She said if I wanted to make up some more flying hours I could but she's not going to let me go anywhere without back up, Sheppard's offworld, so we have the perfect excuse for you to come along. And I kinda miss getting off-base, the past couple of months."

"Jamie, you still get sick from nerves when you know you have to fly – "

"Um, 'scuse me – not for two whole times, now!" he insisted, nudging him up to a workstation with a playful shove. "We could set down on the mainland for a while, maybe. That's 'someplace different'... And quiet."

"I should've known there was an ulterior motive."

"Well, it wasn't for pilot's ed," Jamie told him, grinning.

Adam was just about to risk leaning in for a quick kiss, when Dr. Zelenka strolled in, his arms full of gadgets. Instantly they leapt apart and Jamie crashed into the side of a desk, flinching at the clatter of circuit boards collapsing across the worktop. Zelenka cast them an appraising look.

"Would you like me to return later?" he asked amusedly, before abruptly adding, "Oh! Wait. Is my lab not knock-shop."

Jamie's eyes widened impossibly and Adam felt his cheeks burning. They stood there like guilty school boys, not sure what excuse to use.

Zelenka put down his things on a work surface, regarding them over his glasses and smirking, "Look at your faces! None of my business who you souložit, but you mind my artefacts, please."



Adam's chest still ached from the fright of being walked in on in such a potentially dangerous manner. Jamie was in Weir's office asking for permission to take the jumper out, while he pretended to patrol a nearby corridor. It was supposed to appear spontaneous that Jamie suggest Adam.

After ten minutes, he was starting to think that there was a hole in this plan and that Jamie was possibly being interrogated. He was about to turn and walk up to the office to rescue him when he heard Weir's voice crackle into his radio.

"Sgt. Stackhouse, this is Dr. Weir; would you report to my office immediately?"

"Yes, Ma'am," he replied, taking a deep breath and pausing to steady his nerves for a moment before heading to her office. Being summoned did not seem like a good sign.

"Adam," Weir said, smiling at him in what appeared to be a reasonably free and relaxed manner. "Thank you for coming so promptly."

"No problem, Ma'am. How can I help?" He tried not to look at Jamie, standing to one side of the desk, hands folded behind his back in an Ease stance.

"Sergeant, James has requested some additional flight hours while he is off duty to improve his confidence in command of the puddle jumpers. Of course, I am more than happy to grant this as necessary, as I appreciate that the more time our new pilots spend in the air, the more confident and competent they become."

"Yes, Ma'am," Adam nodded. Alright, so it seemed to be going okay.

"I'm sure you understand that I cannot allow Sgt. Markham to leave the base unaccompanied in a craft he is only reasonably comfortable in command of. I have asked James for a choice of companion, and he has requested that you join him."


"Yes, Ma'am."

"I would like to appoint you to this duty in an on-going capacity. As Staff Sergeant, you will be in command of the jumper and responsible for your safety at all times. If you have any questions regarding the puddle jumpers, I'm afraid I will have to refer you to Maj. Sheppard when he is back on-world." She smiled her taut, impassive smile and, assuming he was dismissed, Adam automatically came to attention and nodded good day.

"Adam," she said, as he turned away.

"Ma'am?"

"Sgt. Markham, would you leave us for a few moments?"

Jamie cast Adam a surprised glance before drawing himself to attention, nodding, "Yes, Ma'am," and striding quickly out of the office and into the control room, where he made a point of striking up a conversation with one of the technicians.

Tensely, Adam waited to be addressed again.

"Adam, I just wanted a moment to tell you that Maj. Sheppard speaks very highly of you, and I have nothing but faith in your abilities as a leader – " but? – "but I would ask that you are especially accommodating with Sgt. Markham. I'm aware that you had difficulties while he was a member of your team, but those appear to be resolved, now."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"James is not a confident pilot, however capable he is becoming. Were circumstances different, I would suggest that he remain grounded; unfortunately, we don't have the liberty of choice. As a natural carrier of the ATA gene, it's important that he develop his skills as much as possible." She paused. "How would you say he is doing?"

Adam blinked for a second, before offering, "He's getting good at turning lights on, Ma'am." He smiled to himself, thinking fondly of the phase when he couldn't actually sleep because every time he dreamed his room turned into a disco. "He likes playing pranks on the rest of the marines; switching the lights on when they're sleeping. I think it's starting to get a little old for some of them, but they'll keep taking it because it's Markham. He and Lt. Ford just have that affect on people, Ma'am."

Weir smiled at him in an appraising quirk of her lip, and nodded. "I'm glad to hear it. Perhaps you could encourage him to focus his abilities elsewhere, all the same. We wouldn't want any of our men to find themselves in the infirmary when sleep-deprived comrades reach the end of their patience."

Adam smiled a little, "No, Ma'am, we wouldn't." Except Bates.

"Sergeant," Weir began again, glancing at her desk before fixing him with her finest impression of a sincere gaze, "Would I be correct in thinking that you are very close to Sgt. Markham? To... 'Jamie', I think you all call him."

"Well, yes, Ma'am," Adam nodded, suddenly feeling scrutinized. "Sgt Markham and I have known each other a long time."

"And how do you think he's coping?"

"Better than most, Ma'am."

"And yourself?"

"I'm just fine, thank you, Ma'am." Except for Bates trying to fuck with my life.

"Good. Maj. Sheppard has spoken of your 'overwhelming' faculty for patience, which leads me to believe that you are the ideal person to undertake this task and that... Jamie may have chosen you because he is aware of this.

"I look forward to your reports on his progress; if you have any concerns whatsoever, I would ask that you inform myself or Maj. Sheppard immediately. Take care of him, Sergeant."

"Understood, Ma'am.

"Good," she smiled. The smile was starting to make him uncomfortable. “Have fun.”



An hour later, they were cruising towards the mainland in PJ6, Jamie manipulating the controls as if they were a particularly complex stress reliever. Adam had been watching him do it for months, but had generally assumed that piloting the Atlantean craft was just much more complicated that an Earth craft. All the same…

“Y’know, Jay, this might go a little easier if you were gentler with the controls. We aren’t going to get anywhere other than wet if you break them off.”

“Huh?” Jamie said, glancing away from where his eyes were fixed intently on the stat screen, as if afraid that doing so for more than a nano-second would cause them to plummet into the ocean.

“I know you're nervous, but you’re wringing the controls instead of your hands.”

“Oh. Oh… well, they don’t respond so fast.”

“Doesn’t this thing run on some sort of telekinesis, or something?”

“…Yeah.”

“Have you tried thinking the direction you want to go in?”

“Don’t say that! Half the reason I’m so afraid I’ll crash it is that I already thought I was going to crash, and then Maj. Sheppard told me that, and now I’m kinda scared that the jumper will mistake my fear that it'll crash with a… a…”

“Command to crash?”

“Right.”

“Look, if the city has a fail safe – ”

“Can we stop thinking about this now? We’ve already lost two hundred feet. Y'see? That's what thinking does!”

Adam looked at him; his eyes were wide, his knuckles were white and his bottom lip half sucked in between his teeth. He looked fit to have a nervous breakdown. Adam climbed out of his seat and moved over to stand behind him. Lightly, he rested his hands on Jamie's shoulders.

"Okay, relax."

"I can't."

"That's an order, Sergeant," Adam told him, stroking the top of his head tenderly. He felt Jamie sigh resolutely and drop his shoulders. "Just imagine it's a really big SUV. You've been driving almost half your life, right?"

"Tractors, Adam! On land."

"Not important. Okay. Look over there," he said, gesturing to the distant mainland, "Can you see the cliff?"

"Yes."

"Don't twist the controls, just think real hard about going over there."

"The right one regulates speed."

"How?"

"Maj. Sheppard said that it needs to be rotated clockwise to increase speed, anti to decrease. But it's sensitive. I have to keep my hands on the controls to let it… sorta read me."

"Okay, so, just keep your right hand steady, 'cause we don’t want to go any faster, and just concentrate on just going over there."

Jamie nodded firmly, once, and breathed deeply. A few moments later, the jumper seemed to begin a shallow arc around towards the mainland. Adam smiled, proudly.

"Oh."

"Is that easier?"

"It's quicker."

"Well, then I guess we might just have time for a break after all."

Jamie tilted his head back to look up at him, grinning mischievously, "Seeing as how I'm so good at this now, maybe we don't need to land, even…"

"The last thing you should be thinking right now is of anything going down, Sergeant."

Adam smirked as Jamie suddenly jumped and fixed his attention back on the controls.

"You're cute when you're petrified," he teased, patting his cheek.

"Y'wanna see if you can do any better, smartass?"

"I don't have the gene."

Jamie grinned again, "D'you wanna see if it's catching?"

"Pretty sure I'd've caught it by now."

"Not lately, y'wouldn't."

"I know..."

They hadn't been sleeping together much, recently. When Jamie did stay in Adam's quarters (having decided it was too risky for Adam to stay in his, after the incident with Bates) they mostly just curled up and slept. Jamie's daily activities mainly involved wandering around the city guarding against enemies that weren't there or prodding Zelenka's Ancient gadgets in attempts to make them glow; but tramping across the rest of the galaxy was exhausting for Adam. Sometimes he didn't even know until he woke up in the morning that Jamie had snuck in; he didn't even wake.

Jamie always said he didn't mind, but Adam didn't think it was entirely true.

"You just don't me attractive anymore, do you?" Jamie teased, pouting playfully.

"Well, I'd've thought with all that spare time you got hanging around with Bates, you could maybe do a few extra sit ups; you've been slacking on the PT," Adam smirked.

"You want me to get all sweaty with Bates?"

"That is not what I said. Maybe it's about time we took a break to set down someplace."

"Oorah!" Jamie grinned, triumphantly.

"Watch your mouth, Sergeant – that could be Ancient for 'Kill us both now'."

They settled on what looked like a strip of grass between the beach and the trees on the coast, about ten miles along from the Athosian camp. There wasn't a lot of point going to hang out on the mainland if Halling turned up and blew their cover. In fact, they weren't keen on any of the Athosians being around. Or anyone at all. Just for once, it was nice to be away from everyone, together.

Jamie lowered the rear hatch and guided him out on to the ramp it formed. "Someplace different enough for you?" he asked, patting Adam's ass and making his way over to an appealing-looking patch of grass.

Adam followed and settled on the ground beside him. The sound of the sea on the shore and the smell of real flowers and plant life for a moment made it feel like being back on Earth. Without saying anything, he shifted nearer to Jamie's side. They sat in contented silence for a few minutes before Jamie reached over and took Adam's hand; Adam waited to see what he was going to do with it, and was quietly pleased when he did nothing. He just sat, staring out to sea, his fingers wrapped around Adam's.

"I'm glad we came out here," Adam told him, rubbing Jamie's knuckles affectionately with his thumb.

"Well, me too," Jamie smiled. "Shame we didn't do it sooner."

"What?"

"It's a shame we didn't start trying to get away from everything a little sooner. I mean, I feel like things have been tougher'n usual, lately... what with Marc giving you such a hard time and not really getting any time together any more..."

"I guess."

Jamie's voice was a little heavy as he added, "I didn't mean for this to happen, y'know. If I'd figured out that leaving the team would mean I never got to see you – "

"It's not your fault. If you were still on the team we'd both be as tired as each other anyway."

"I know," Jamie sighed, "I just miss you, is all."

"Well, you know where to find me, when I'm on-world."

"So does Marc, though, right? I don't get off on being afraid of being found out, any more. And y'know: that's so the wrong answer. You're supposed to say you miss me too!"

Adam plucked at some of the alien grass they were sitting on, studying the curve of the blade and noticing tiny ridges he didn't remember on the grass in the yard back home. "Do I still need to tell you that stuff?"

"Well, y'know, it would be nice, once in a while... "

"I'll make a note."

Jamie smirked at him side-long and pulled Adam's hand up to his mouth, kissing his knuckles. "Really, Adam," he began more seriously, frowning at the chewed nail on Adam's thumb, "Are y'okay? I mean, you'd tell me if you were really unhappy, wouldn't you?"

Shrugging, Adam admitted, "I don't know. I'm not unhappy, right now. And, y'know... I did some thinking today, and I figure I'm tired."

"Tired?"

"Yeah," Adam nodded. "I'm tired of Bates giving me shit, and I'm tired of waking up in the morning and the first thing on my mind is 'How do we get Jamie out of here without Dr. Zelenka seeing us yet again?' and I'm tired of feeling guilty all the time."

The look on Jamie's face was indecipherable between confusion and anxiety; "So... what are you saying?"

"I guess I'm saying that things need to change."

Jamie sat in silence for several moments, blinking and swallowing a few times. He let Adam's fingers slip out of his grip. "Is this your answer to everything?" he asked, quietly. "'Cause if it is, then you're damn right something has to change."

"What?"

"Well, when you start talking like this it usually means you're going to try to break up with me. Again."

"I'm not 'trying to break up with you again' – again? I don't think I've ever tried to break up with you, Jay!" Adam snatched his hand back up and was met with the reproachful gaze of unnaturally expressive eyes. "Really – I'm not. I was going to say pretty much the opposite..."

"Well, they ain't gonna let us get married!" Jamie told him, the worry fading to a small smile.

"Oh sure, let's add bigamy to the things they can lock me up for if we get back to Earth..."

"We're not getting back to Earth..."

"Well, all the more reason for everybody to just accept the way things are, right?"

Jamie gazed at him in wonder, "I don't get it."

Adam gave a slight laugh and realised that he was actually nervous; "I've been thinking, and I think you might be right. Maybe you've been right all along..."

"Are you gonna tell me, or do I have to guess?"

"Well, I think that sometime soon we're going to be found out. Bates... definitely knows, Dr. Grodin knows... Zelenka... we can't keep hiding for much longer and when it happens it could be a real mess. So maybe... Maybe we should do this on our terms..."

"Like what? You mean... you're saying you wanna come out? To everyone? What are you, crazy? You've been chewing me out for not being careful enough the whole time we've been together, and now you want to just tell everyone?"

"I wasn't exactly planning on making an announcement over the base PA, Jamie..."

"But what if you were right? What if they find some way to stop us seeing each other?"

"I don't know. I just know that it'd be hard for them to do it forever." Adam rubbed at his forehead with the heel of his palm, "If we carry on like this we're either going to wind up hating each other or the whole place is going to turn this into a scandal that makes us look afraid of what we are."

"And if we're not afraid, we've been hiding this why?"

"Well, I know I'm afraid of everyone else's attitude. You met my family – if they can act like assholes why shouldn't everyone else?"

"Your family are assholes, that's why."

"And Bates isn't?"

Jamie scratched the back of his neck for a moment, "I just think Marc doesn't understand. I don't think he's a bad person."

"Maybe...Maybe not"

"Listen, if we do this... I mean, what do you want to do? Who do we tell?"

"I was thinking that I should go to Sheppard and Weir and explain."

"You should? I don't get to help?"

"If this goes wrong, I don't want you dragged down with me, okay?"

"Don't y'think that they'll have a damn fine idea already? 'Cause from the look on her face when your name got brought up, I sure think Weir does and it's not like you ever spend time with the rest of the guys, any more. In fact, you avoid most of them..."

Adam thought about this for a minute, realising it was true. He couldn't remember the last time he'd sat with the rest of the squad in their rec room or when he'd last held a conversation with someone that wasn't directly related to the task in hand. Jamie was the only person he spent downtime with and even that had been limited, recently.

"Maybe I should start..."

Jamie nodded and smiled to himself; "I really think so. They do ask about you, y'know. Fauzzy thinks you're cracking up or something. I told him you were just turning into a grumpy oldtimer."

"Thanks..."

"You'd rather I said, 'Yeah, he thinks everyone hates him and is chronically depressed 'cause he misses Earth and his family are a bunch of hateful bastards?'"

"No."

"Well, there you go."

"I just think it's been long enough. If we're going to be stuck here forever, then I need to stop hiding. That was the whole reason I stopped talking to my family in the first place, right?"

"And if it all goes wrong?"

Sighing, Adam shook his head. "No regrets."

They stayed on the beach for the sunset, Jamie laying down with his head pillowed on Adam's lap, waiting for the sky to turn pink and begin to darken before they climbed back into the jumper and made their way home. Nothing had been finalised, but it felt like they'd made progress. Adam would feel the weight on his shoulders lightening just a little, and it was a welcome relief. It might take a day or two, and it might take just hours, but finally something was going to get them out of the oppressive stalemate that hiding everything caused them.

As they landed in the jumper bay and headed toward the tower door, Adam caught Jamie's hand again and pulled him back.



"Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"I know I ought to say it more often, but I am happy. Honestly. You make me happy."

The expression on Jamie's face said enough about how happy that made him. "D'ya still love me?" he prompted, dimples flashing as he pulled Adam nearer and leaned in near enough that their noses almost touched.

"To a humiliating degree," Adam admitted, kissing him quickly and not making much attempt to pull away when Jamie held him fast for a few moments.

"Me too."

Neither of them could have seen Bates, standing in the bay below; but by the time they left, he'd heard more than enough.



Jamie didn't really know what to say when they got back to the apartment. Adam didn't seem about to fall apart, but he didn't really have anything to say, either. They sat down to watch a TV movie, but halfway through Adam simply climbed up from his seat at the end of the couch and shut himself in the bedroom. Jamie knew him well enough to respect his space and let him go, but it didn't make him feel any less frustrated to be shut on the other side of a door. Not when he felt so responsible for what had happened.

He couldn't keep watching the film; he lost track of it chewing the edge of his nail and listening carefully for the sound of crying. He wasn't even sure why, because if Adam was crying, he'd be totally pissed if Jamie intruded. His pride wouldn't stand for it. But after an hour, Jamie couldn't just sit there doing nothing any longer, and went to check on him.

He tapped on the door lightly, calling, "Adam, you want me to get you anything?" then waited for a few moments, before tentatively opening it a crack and peering in. Adam sat on the floor beside the bed, his knees drawn up almost to his chest, gazing at the wall opposite.

"Y'okay?" Jamie asked, leaning against the frame.

"We should've just stayed in Kansas," Adam told him with a dry laugh, "I shouldn't've bothered telling them I was leaving at all. They probably wouldn't have noticed in the first place."

"Maggie would."

"Maggie only notices so long as it's an excuse to piss off mom and dad."

"She's your little sister, Adam..."

"Pete's my big brother; did you see him defending me?"

"No, but I saw Maggie. And I never woulda found you in the playground if she hadn't told me where to go. I think she'd've hunted me down and kicked my ass if I'd let you send me back home." He took Adam's laughter as a cue to move over and sit down beside him, almost mimicking the position he was huddled in. "She's on your side, y'know."

Adam gazed into his lap for a minute, then shrugged, "Doesn't matter anymore. I just gotta pack up my stuff and then we can leave. We can go back to Kansas for a few days, if you want..."

"Uh, no. No, I've said my goodbyes. I can't do it again... And I don't wanna confuse Lu-Lou any more. Momma's told her Jammy won't be coming home. If I show up again, now..."

There was a long silence as Adam leaned forward to rest his cheek on arms folded across his knees; looking away from Jamie. Tenderly, Jamie reached out and wrapped an arm around him, lacing his fingers with Adam's and soothing his thumb across his open palm.

"When I was six," Adam begun tonelessly, several minutes later, "I lost my mom in the mall. It was Christmas, and we were shopping for grandma's gift or something like that; but I got separated, anyway... I had to tell the store detective my name and where I lived and they called the police to take me home in a patrol vehicle. It took them ages to work it out, though, 'cause I had enough problems pronouncing things as it was, but both of my front milk-teeth had just fallen out that week." He gave another small snort of laughter before continuing; "I actually wished they'd never grown back, 'cause I couldn't pronounce my own name 'til I got them fixed when I was in high school. That's why Maggie calls me – "

"Athy?"

"Yeah."

"I did kinda wonder..."

"Well, for the first fourteen years of my life I walked around telling people my name was 'Atham Thackhowthe'. Then I had to walk around with what looked like torture equipment sticking out of my face... Maggie really thought my name was Atham, and even by the time it was fixed it'd just stuck... I hated people calling me that. It was like they were constantly taking the piss out of me for not being able to speak normally. Used to embarrass Mom something crazy – that's why I think she left me there on purpose. She says that it was because I was always so quiet – mostly because I got sick of being told to speak 'like a big boy', instead of like a baby, and gave up saying much of anything at all; made like she'd forgotten I was with her."

Jamie swallowed, thinking of hours spent sitting on his grandma's and his sister's laps as a child, being taught to read aloud. He had never been the sharpest knife in the drawer, but his family always encouraged him. The concept of an unhappy childhood was something he found it incredibly difficult to comprehend, but the more he heard of Adam's the guiltier he felt for being allowed to enjoy his own. It still left him at a loss for what to say.

"I was just one of those really unfortunate kids... screwy teeth, kinda funny-looking, too scrawny to be on the sports teams... I just thank God that I wasn't a nerd as well. They would've used me for target practise. I was lucky they just didn't notice me in the first place."

Jamie's high school years had been fine, mostly. He was on the football team, he was well-liked, if not popular... He had no great aspirations, and he had good enough grades to get him into the county college if he worked hard. It was all he needed. The whole 'getting caught making out with his cousin's fiancé' issue had almost died down by the time he was back in school for fall semester. It was a rumour he could laugh off because people weren't easily convinced that a six-foot football player who was raised on a farm could be a homo. What a crazy idea that was...

"I noticed you," he said, eventually twisting at a difficult angle to kiss the top of Adam's head, "I noticed you right away and I couldn't stop thinking about you; so I guess things change..."

Adam turned his head to rest the other cheek on his arm, tugging the other arm out to wrap around Jamie's left knee. He was smiling just a little, "You got ditched and your standards dropped."

"Lucky for me, huh?"

"Lucky for someone," Adam teased, sitting up and leaning back against the bed again. "Listen, Jay... I'm sorry about how screwed up things got today. If I'd had a choice – "

"If you'd had a choice you'da been carrying around secrets for the rest of your life. Who needs that?"

"Well, sometimes you don't get a choice."

"And sometimes you do. And that's done with now. You're married: so what? I've been the other woman before, and half my family didn't stop talking to me, this time. I'd say I made good," Jamie grinned.

Adam laughed and at last, it sounded genuine. "You're an idiot."

"What does that make you?"

"Luckiest s.o.b. in the USMC."


It was nearly six when Adam climbed out of Jamie's bed and got dressed. Jamie had insisted that they spent the night in his quarters, seeing as it wouldn't matter for much longer, but it still meant Adam had to leave earlier than usual to get back to his own room.

He crouched beside the bed, running his hand gently over Jamie's head, smoothing his touselled hair, and said softly, "Jay, I'm leaving…"

Jamie rolled over, cracking his eyes open blearily, and reached out with both hands to draw him into a cuddle. Adam wrapped an arm across him, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Jamie twisted to catch his lips and mumbled contentedly when they pulled away from each other, still holding on to one of Adam's hands.

Adam would have stayed there with him forever, if he could, but duty called. He paused in the doorway just long enough for Jamie to mumble, "Mluv you…"

"I know," Adam replied, and smiled as Jamie buried his face back down into the pillow with a happy little grin.

Hours later, he walked back into his own quarters and dumped his vest on the bed, yawning. He wished Pegasus folk would settle nearer their goddamn Stargates, sometimes. It didn't come as much of a surprise when Jamie appeared out of nowhere and wrapped him in a bear-hug. He'd probably been waiting all day for them to get back on-world so they could go to Weir and Sheppard. He was going to be disappointed, though – Sheppard was still off-world and they had no idea when he would be back, either.

"Undressing already? You could have waited..." Jamie teased, biting his neck playfully.

Adam smiled and was about to tell him that he didn't need help showering when Bates' voice crackled through their headsets.

"All jumper crew to the jumper bay immediately. We have incoming hostiles. I repeat: all puddle jumper crew to the bay immediately. This is not a drill."

They barely had time to mutter 'Shit!' before they were tearing down the corridors at full speed, boots ringing through the halls. They burst into the jumper bay right behind Smitty, to find Bates already in mid-argument with Dr. Beckett, who hadn't even had time to take off his labcoat.

"Markham – you and Smith, jumper one; Stackhouse – you go with Miller."

Jamie cast Adam a frustrated look as he turned to follow Andy, but gave him a reassuring nod as the jumpers carefully manoeuvred themselves out of the bay. Adam's heart was racing in a way it hadn't done for weeks. He'd heard the words a hundred times before, but 'This is not a drill' was whirring through his head almost painfully. He wasn't an aviator. Neither was Jamie, neither was Beckett. Miller had been into hang gliding a few years ago, but he wasn't a fucking fighter pilot. They were insane to be taking this on.

Miller glanced at him as they swooped into a descent, Marc's panicked voice ringing through the radio, "We'd better prep the missiles for launch, I can't even see anything to shoot at – it could be shielded for all we know – hey, maybe we should – "

He was cut off by a vicious silence that seemed to cut out the sound of his voice, the jumper engines and the radio all in an instant. Adam had looked up just in time to see a violent flash ahead of them; and Jamie's puddlejumper was gone.

---

Part Six.