Pieces: 2/6 - This Modern Love - Stackhouse/Markham

[rosiedoes]

Betas: darkmoon711 and pionie
Rating: R-ish
Pairing: Stackhouse/Markham
Summary: An allegory in pieces. You know how it ends.
Spoilers: Various for season one; particularly The Brotherhood.
Warnings: Character death in later chapters.

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Pieces: 2/6
This Modern Love
Not much a poet, but a criminal.

Jamie squinted and staggered as vivid sunlight reflected from the snow and blinded him for a few moments, as he jumped out of the helicopter. Adam reached out to steady him, unnecessarily, and forced his snow-shades into Jamie's hand. Jamie glanced down at them, and smiled. It was the sort of sweet, subtle gesture Adam had been offering increasingly regularly, of late; Jamie figured it was just his way of showing affection, because he wasn't much of a tactile person. Whatever Adam's reasoning, Jamie appreciated it all the same.

Behind them, Smith, Parker, Allett and Fauske were heaving out their packs and waiting to follow Maj. Sheppard, some smart-arsed Californian who'd been busted down to hail'n'ride, over to the domed complex they were moving to.

"You okay, Sergeant?" Adam asked him, letting his arm linger a bare fraction longer than necessary.

Jamie heaved up his Bergen and swung it easily over his shoulders, before slipping the wrap-around snow-glasses on. "Sure," he replied, flashing him a grin so innocent it looked incredibly sly. "Lead the way."

Picking the ‘Bullshitters’, as they referred to the team in private, was not simple. Adam had explained that even though Jones and Walters had been what passed for friends before Jamie arrived, he had left them off of his list – which had been approved without any amendments – mostly for selfish reasons. First of all, they were a double act, but Walters was already starting to look at them strangely, as if he was starting to suspect something was going on that his ear-to-the-ground had failed to pick up; and if he knew, it was only a matter of time before Jones knew. And if Jones new, it was seriously bad news. Then there was the fact that they were all buddies, so most of the time they hung out. And three was a crowd, but four was a Second Verifiable Witness, which really wasn't a good thing in their situation.

He'd covered his choice by picking two soldiers from each of the three security teams. It left each squad with twelve men; it was easier, simpler and more practical if he was ever asked for explanation.

Which was why Adam was the tactical specialist and Jamie was the Grunt Who Could Change a Spark Plug.

Sheppard led them over to the security cabin and instructed them to sign in before abandoning them to speak to the Canadian scientist whose luggage Adam had once had the ‘privilege’ of searching. He'd told Jamie it was about 75% full of chocolate and snacks and the rest was about two shirts and a pair of shorts. Jamie had never forgotten about him. McKay was a class-A asshole, apparently. Looked like this was going to be quite a party. The kind of party where you ended up trying to explain suspicious stains on the ceiling to the base CO.

The guy on security had been through McMurdo a couple of times since Jamie had been stationed there. He was a fast-tracker, that much was obvious; younger than Jamie himself and with a wide, cheeky grin he never seemed to take off his face. He stood there in his arctic gear greeting everyone like a theme park attendant for a few minutes before Adam walked over and introduced himself.

"Lieutenant Ford; SSgt. Adam Stackhouse reporting for security detail as requested by Col. Mason."

"Cool," Ford said, grinning (obviously) and nodding. "You all need to come inside for a briefing, then I'll take you down and give you the Grand Tour."

He led them into a large elevator that slowly passed down through hundreds of feet beneath the ice, stopping what Ford told them was a quarter of a mile below ground level. It made Jamie feel a tiny bit claustrophobic and he sidled slightly closer to Adam for comfort, not sure he liked the idea of living all the way down here. Finally, Ford heaved open the creaking elevator door and stepped out of the cage, gesturing for them all to come along. Still grinning. He led them down corridors without windows in what seemed to be a labyrinthine complex of laboratories and storerooms and eventually stopped in a dingy dead end with six doors and along each side and one at the far end.

"Okay, so this is the where you guys will be sleeping while you're here. We've got two rooms of four bunks – this one – " he unlocked a door with his swipe card and shoved it open, "got four of the good beds; this one – " he opened the door opposite, "got two sets of bunkbeds. I'll let you guys fight over who sleeps where, but those top bunks, there – total death traps. If the food or the cold don't kill you, the guy sleeping over you might do that in his sleep." His grin grew wider, and he looked at each of them as if expecting them to laugh along.

Fauske gave a tiny cough and the rest of them just shifted uncomfortably, looking slightly spooked.

For a moment, Jamie thought that Adam would do something stupid, like pick one of the others to cover their tracks; he actually looked like he was pondering the matter. "Okay... I'll have to take one of the death traps, seeing as all the rest of you look petrified. Markham – you're with me. The rest of you can have the 'good' beds."

Jamie made the effort to at least look put-out about being denied a 'good' bed, while in fact wanting to punch the air. The other men didn't question the decision, and immediately piled into the room to offload their kit. Jamie gave Adam a reproachful look for effect and was about to tease him for making him have an uncomfortable bunk while there was a perfectly good bed across the hall; but then he realised that Lt. Ford was leaning against their door frame, waiting for them.

"Where're you guys from?" he asked brightly.

"Uh...Wichita. Sorta."

"Seattle, Sir."

"Been out here, long?"

"Just a coupla months," Jamie said, smiling over at him and shrugging a little. "Ad – Uh. Sgt. Stackhouse has been here a long time, though. Right, Stack?"

"Right, Sergeant."

"So, um. You guys friends?"

"Yeah – "

"No."

Jamie stared at him, surprised by this answer. What?

"Comrades, Sir."

Ford grinned at him and leaned away from the door. "You don't really have to freak out about stuff like that, man. Things are... kinda kooky around here."

For a moment, there, Jamie actually thought Ford had figured them out. But he continued, cheerfully:

"We're a long way from home and hardly anyone is military. They're all, like European Scientists and stuff. They don't understand. It's easier to be friends with everyone instead of just 'comrades' anyway. So long as you take your orders and don't mention it in front of Sumner, you'll be cool."

Adam looked uncomfortable, as if messing with his perception of military standards was too much to comprehend.

Ford laughed at him a little and said, "C'mon, I've got something so cool to show you guys."




Walking into the Exploration & Development Room was, it had to be said, incredibly fucking cool. And cold. It was also incredibly fucking cold. Two and a half of its sides were just bare ice, which sort of explained it. Jamie’s eyes were even more saucer-like than usual as he stared at the small groups of scientists studying contraptions like he had never seen, and tried to comprehend all the new information about the world he was being handed.

This was incredible. Both in the sense that it was amazing and in the sense that it didn’t seem possible. People walking through a big metal ring made by an ancient super race and turning up on another planet? Even another galaxy? They may as well have told him to go walk to the end of the rainbow for his pot of gold.

“Sergeant?”

He jumped at Adam’s voice and the feel of a hand grasping his shoulder. The others were already traipsing for the elevator, glancing back in stunned disbelief.

“Are you okay, Sgt. Markham?”

Jamie blinked and smiled at him, “Sure… just a little wowed. It’s… well, it’s pretty fantastic isn’t it?”

“If you like that sort of thing,” Adam replied, quirking an eyebrow at him. “You’ll have plenty of time to look around, don’t worry. I’ve got a feeling we could be here a little while.”

Adam gave him a little tug and muttered, ‘C’mon’ as he walked towards the cage. He didn’t let go straight away and Jamie felt quietly pleased.

Lt. Ford and the others were waiting and he seemed to be answering some of the questions anyone new to the wonders of interstellar travel were bound to have.

“…and it’s sorta like swimming in jello in a wind tunnel for a couple of seconds and then, fwuuum. You’re there. Just standing there on a whole other planet. Tell me that ain’t cool!”

Allett and Parker didn’t look so convinced. They exchanged slightly worried glances and seemed to lean barely perceptibly away from the door.

“Hey, trust me: it’s cool. Seriously, seriously cool. But I’m pretty sure they’ll be sending some of you guys out there anyways, so you’ll get to check it out for yourselves soon enough.”

“Lieutenant,” Adam said quickly, “we’re just here for security detail, Sir.”

Ford grinned at him, “Yeah, that’s what they said to me, too.”



When they were finally allowed to make their way to the dorm rooms, Jamie hovered for a moment, trying to get used to the new space. It was considerably smaller than some dorms he’d stayed in since he’d joined the Marines. In fact, it was smaller than some tents he’d stayed in. The military had a habit of cramming as many guys into a single room as possible and then wondered what went wrong when two totally heterosexual marines were caught in ‘unbecoming’ situations. And he’d seen that happen. Oh yeah. He’d seen two of the guys from his squad packed up and shipped out in forty-eight hours just for being caught yanking Weird Al. It wasn’t even as if they had been doing something they couldn’t have done themselves.

Sometimes he thought that guys were really, really stupid.

Eventually, he stopped dithering and leaned against his bunk. He stepped back in alarm as the whole thing swayed ominously and made a dangerous creaking sound. When it hadn’t collapsed after ten seconds, he figured he was safe enough for the time being and dropped his hands down to his side. He hadn’t entirely noticed that he had held them up to catch it if it fell apart.

On his own bunk, Adam was watching him with the faintly indulgent smile he gave him when he thought he was acting like a dork.

“I guess Lt. Ford was right about these things being a deathtrap…” Jamie mumbled, feeling like the dumb hick everyone thought he was. “Six years in the marines and I’m gonna get killed in my sleep by regulation furniture, I know it.”

“You won’t,” Adam assured him, still reclining comfortably where he was, one of his hands twisting idly in the grey blanket.

Jamie wasn’t sure whether to move over and join him, or if he should just wait and not push the issue. He never quite knew what Adam expected of him and what would render him silent and unresponsive. It wasn’t even that he was moody, as far as Jamie could tell, he just wasn’t so good at talking about things. Being so in control, and hiding his feelings for so long hadn’t done him a whole lot of good. He was so much less comfortable with himself than Jamie was. Jamie knew that whatever being a marine turned him into, he was always going to be James Markham from Kansas. He was always going to be an ex-fat kid and he was definitely going to always be a queer. Adam was the sort of guy who really wanted to be 'normal' – a Good Soldier – that badly, that he'd turn himself into some kind of android if it was necessary.

Jamie was glad to have caught him before the shame killed off the rest of him.

They couldn’t shame Jamie out of what he was, though. Even the local pastor hadn’t been able to do that by hauling him up on stage in front of the congregation and trying to rid him of the Devil when he was barely sixteen. He had felt shame then, but not because of the fact he had been caught with a guy; it was because that guy was engaged to his cousin.

The summer was always too hot to sleep much, in Kansas, so the teens from the little cluster of farms on the slopes of the shallow hill spent nights running wild in the fields, or sitting out on each others' porches, dreaming of a life away from corn and cattle.

Bradley was two and a half years older than Jamie, but he spent a lot of time at the Markhams' farmstead with Laurie-May. She and Jules were closer than sisters and Jerry was so much older than all of them that he spent all his time with the adults. He was too good for the 'kids' by then, so as the only teenage boys around the top fields, Bradley and Jamie had spent a lot of time together. They were close.

Bradley was cool, and eighteen years old; he listened to rock music and was allowed to borrow his pa's truck. Jamie worshipped him, but he didn't really understand the rest of what he felt until the mid-August night before he turned sixteen – his birthday just a week away. It had begun with little, innocuous touches; a light tug that left warm, invisible hand prints, an arm on his shoulder as they walked down the track to the lake. Shared jokes that felt like secrets no one else understood. And that night they were out in one of the fields together, slightly drunk on stolen beer and they had begun to 'tip' a few cows – pushing them over while they slept on their feet – but ran away when some of them started to charge. All he remembered was running for the wooden fence and throwing himself over it, Bradley landing half atop him, and then just hands and kisses and grass prickling at his back; wondering if God really was watching them.

Whether God had been or not, he still wasn't sure. But he'd found out soon enough that Laurie-May had been. She still wouldn’t talk to him, all these years later.

The thing was, he’d learned that being found out sucked, so he’d joined the marines because fuck, if they caught you, they as good as hanged you, so it was a fairly damn effective deterrent. Aside from that one time, when a guy in his squad in Afghanistan had freaked out when they were lost on night patrol and seemed to be surrounded by dish-cloth wearing renegades with big fuck-off guns, and a comforting hug in a ditch had ended up as an awkward comfort fuck, the theory had pretty much worked. Especially as the guy had decided to go over the top a couple of hours later, when they heard what sounded like a Hercules coming over. He’d come straight back down to the sound of shell fire; missing a large potion of his head. Once in a while, it still gave Jamie nightmares. But it meant there had been nothing left to pursue.

“Jay?” Adam sounded a little worried as he called his name, for what Jamie assumed was not the first time. He blinked a few times and turned to look at him, making himself smile. “Hey, you sort of zoned out, there - you alright?”

“Uh, yeah - yeah, sure I am,” he replied, moving over and perching cautiously on the side of Adam’s bunk. “Are you?”

Adam frowned and nodded, laying back against his pillows again. After a minute he asked, “D’you think anyone will read anything into this? I mean, into my choosing you to share with me in here?”

“Not really,” Jamie shrugged, shaking his head, “they’ll just think how great it is that they got the ‘good’ beds and hard luck to me for not.” He smiled, trying to encourage the other soldier to do the same. He didn’t. He just looked at him nervously. Jamie actually wondered whether Adam was going to try to bail on him and push him away before they’d really had a chance to get things started.

The thought weighed leaden in his stomach, because it seemed kind of strange, but the moment he saw Adam he’d been drawn to him. Adam still thought that the first time he’d caught sight of him had been in the mess hall, but that wasn’t the case. He’d first seen him through the window as he walked back on to the base with Jones, Walters and some of the others, his cheeks red from the cold and his hat in his hand. They were all laughing, but Adam was just smiling wryly and his eyes were shining. He seemed more mature, more reserved than any of the others and it wasn’t just because of the silvery grey flecks in his hair; they were contradicted by his youthful face, and there was no way he could have been more than thirty. He looked kind and deep and complicated in ways that Jamie couldn’t pin point. It felt like starting school again and wanting to make friends with a kid that seemed kinda like him, but just not knowing how.

Adam had stood out as different then, and in the mess hall, watching him across the room as he caught Jamie’s gaze and was so distracted that his fork missed his mouth, Jamie understood why. It hit him like a hurricane, a little, and blew him away. He just knew, beyond any shadow of doubt and all he could think of was that he had to get to know him. If nothing else, they could be friends. With that sort of thing in common, it would be stupid not to be. He had already known that they were on the same squad; the guy registering all the newbies had actually gestured at the window and declared, “And that there’s your squad, anyone listed in Green.” Jamie’s small circle of green canvas, which was to be worn beside the stripes on his epaulette, had suddenly felt like a winning lottery ticket in his hand.

He thought that he was getting what he wanted, lately, but sometimes he was still afraid that Adam just wasn’t ready to go breaking the rules he lived by.

Trying to hide his uncertainty, he reached out boldly and pressed his fingers against the soft cotton material covering Adam’s stomach. It was slightly convex because his arm was raised to rest behind his head and because he didn’t seem to be breathing normally. It sounded shallow, as if his nerves were quietly fraying beneath the surface. Jamie subtly worked on the material, rubbing gently with his fingers so that it gradually ruffled and exposed the side of his stomach and his hip; it felt more legitimate that way, and less like he was pushing for something Adam was too frightened to accept.

Jamie’s heart skittered as Adam suddenly reached out and grasped the hand on his stomach, lifting it carefully away. He sat for a moment, unsure what was about to happen, while Adam pulled himself up into more of a sitting position. Then, to his relief, Adam leaned nearer, reaching out to tilt Jamie’s face towards him, and haltingly pressed a kiss to the side of his mouth. Jamie felt so relieved - so proud - that he simply sat there at first, enjoying the fact that he didn’t have to give up hope just yet.

“Jamie?”

“Hm?” he murmured, opening his eyes to look into Adam’s. They were so open and vulnerable, a little like a rabbit caught in headlights and a little like a baby just as it’s lip begins to quiver.

“If we get caught - ”

“We won’t.”

“You don’t know that. And if we are, we’re not going to see each other again for a long time.”

“If they catch us.”

“I know, but ‘if’ they do…” he took a deep breath, “I won’t regret it.”

Jamie’s heart pattered to a momentary pause. “What?”

“I won’t regret losing my career over this.”

“Oh - hey, listen - ”

“No, shh. I’ve reconciled myself with the idea. I can live with it.”

“You shouldn’t have to, Adam - ”

“I know. But seeing as I do, I guess we should just make sure it’s worth both our careers, and maybe even a jail term, huh?” He smiled, then, nervous and uncomfortable and Jamie hardly wanted to be the one Adam gave up his career for. As the senior NCO, he was sure to take most of the liability.

So Jamie pulled away and stood up, moving back towards his side of the room.

“Jay - I’m not trying to push you away.”

“Shh,” Jamie replied, kneeling down to dig in his pack. “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it properly. If we’re laying our futures down for this, we need to take some things into consideration.”

“Like what? What are you looking for?”

“Uh… just gun oil.”

“Gun oil? Oh. Oh, no, Jamie seriously - have you ever got that stuff on your skin? It burns. Maybe I have an allergy to it, but seriously, you don’t want that on your skin.”


Jamie tried to hide a smile as he pulled the small canister from one of his side pockets. “I know,” he told him, standing up, “but I didn’t think the bunk frame would have that problem.” He gave his own bunk a light shove to illustrate his point. He may as well have been dancing on it for all the noise it made. “I figure that if we’re careful not to draw anyone here, no one’s likely to come by. And we can pull the table across so that if they come by they can’t open the door right away and we can tell them that we just found out the X-Files is real, so we took precautions. They can’t argue with that.”

Adam looked at him like he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“I’m serious,” Jamie told him, turning over the gun oil in his hands. “I kinda like being a grunt… but, y'know... being with you isn't so bad, either. If I can find a way to do both, then I’m going to.”

He was surprised when Adam scrambled up from his bunk and pulled Jamie to him, clutching him desperately, but hesitating before finally leaning in to kiss him. They were crushed so tightly together that they almost over-balanced. Jamie buried his face in Adam’s shoulder, smiling to himself simply because he was happy. Once he had started to get to know Adam a little he’d learned that he was perfectly right about him being complicated, but he was also caring and affectionate and over the few months he had been at McMurdo, he’d really grown to care about him. The fact that this sort of intimacy had been impossible there had meant that they’d initially grown to be more like best friends. Adam was protective of him, not being at all afraid to tell the others to shut the fuck up if their teasing went too far; he was one of the most senior soldiers there, he could afford to do that. It was preferential treatment and in a way, Jamie actually enjoyed it.

Right now, though, he was nervous. They were both nervous, because it wasn’t just a case of being caught, this was the first time it looked like that they might progress beyond awkward fumbling in the freezing cold. There was still a chance that they would be really bad at this, that they just weren’t suited to each other. And then there was the issue of practise. Jamie hadn’t been near another guy since Afghanistan, and while Adam hadn’t told him how long it was since he’d been with someone else, Jamie was fairly sure it was even longer than Jamie’s twenty-one months.

He was actually aware of the hands on his back trembling slightly and he turned to kiss him on the cheek, nuzzling against him in the hope that it would encourage him to kiss back. It did. Suddenly, they was nothing but frantic kisses and hands fisted in t-shirts. There was an edge of desperation that didn't seem to be fading, as if they had to get this done as quickly as possible because someone might actually stop them and the only thing Jamie's mind seemed capable of thinking was that as many items of clothing as possible should be discarded right now.

He fumbled with Adam's t-shirts, doubled up because of the cold, and started to tug them up, his own catching and riding up as he did so. Adam gave a tiny hiccup and flinched as Jamie dropped his t-shirts and pulled him back towards him. The feel of warm skin was as comforting as it was rousing, but just stopping for a hug in the middle of foreplay would possibly have been the stupidest thing ever, in Jamie's book.

Adam apparently disagreed, because he caught Jamie's hands and stopped him from reaching for his belt. "Waitwaitwait..." he began breathlessly, pulling away but looking at him like a tiny part of his brain was devising uses for his body while the rest fought for coherence. "You were going to – "

At that particular moment, Jamie couldn't have cared if he was about to find a cure for all known disease – he just wanted to get on with it. He had Adam right there – flustered and half-naked and stunning – and stopping for any reason seemed absolutely out of the question. Except –

"Jay – the bunk – "

"Huh?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, just give me the oil. I'll do it."

For fuck's sake, alright.

Jamie laughed at him a little and poked one of his nipples, bending to pick up the canister that had, at some point, slipped to the floor; Adam was quite the blusher, but his face was almost crimson.

"It's cold," he tried, helplessly.

"Pity, I was thinking you were actually getting into this..." Jamie teased.

Adam actually allowed himself to smile, wrapping his arms across his chest to ward off the slight chill. It was easy to forget they were under a quarter of a mile of ice. "No one's getting in anywhere until that bed it fixed, or we'll have everyone in this complex in here.."

"Could you try to sound a little less like my wife, already?"

"I'm not. I'm sounding like your senior NCO."

"Anderson never spoke to me like that..."

"Give him long enough, and I think Ford might..."

Jamie laughed, pleased that Adam was relaxing a little, and handed him the canister so he could work on the other side.

"...and then I'd have to do something that would get me busted down to private," Adam added, paying particular attention to the join he was oiling. There was a long silence in which Jamie stared at Adam and Adam pretended he didn't notice. "I've got to admit, this is the first time I've had to grease up the bed before anything else..."

"There are some places you'd pay to get to do this," Jamie smiled, quietly pleased that Adam was at least hypothetically prepared to punch an officer out over him. He eased himself down on to the bed and reached out for the pocket on Adam's BDUs, pulling him nearer. "I think it's done. Sergeant."

"As good as it'll ever be, I guess. You want me to, uh... get the light?"

"Oh... uh, yeah, sure."

The room went black and a light scuffling sound made its way to the bed. Jamie reached out with both hands, seeking out the other soldier in the darkness. A moment later, fingers knocked awkwardly with his own and he grasped at them, laughing and tugging Adam towards him. Adam laughed quietly, too and half climbed, half tripped on to the narrow bunk, bashing his head in the process.

"Fuck, that hurt!" he groaned, rolling on to the mattress, beside him, clutching his temple.

"Poor baby," Jamie teased gently, "Let me kiss it all better..." He pulled him close and pressed a kiss to the skin beside Adam's tenderly rubbing fingers. It seemed to work wonders, because the hand on Adam's temple immediately moved across to Jamie's cheek, holding him close as he kissed him, as if he thought Jamie was intending to go somewhere.

Jamie pulled him closer in response, wrapping his leg behind Adam's and ensuring that they were pressed together as tightly as possible in as many places as possible. Unfortunately, Adam then began to slide his hands hopefully under Jamie's shirt and his comforting gesture was ruined as he had to pull away to remove it. Aside from the sudden bite of the room's chill, it was worth the effort. Moving caused some interesting friction, even through BDUs and thermals, and a moment later cuddling had been abandoned for urgent belt-tugging and scrambling with clothes it seemed the military had designed specifically for the purpose of hindering moments of desperate lust.

And it had been a long time. It was a struggle not to just make the most of the available contact and forget the rest, but after an eternity of struggling with laces and bungees and a million pointless buttons it was a relief to be free of the restriction of clothes and able to crawl under the blankets.

By the time they collapsed down into each other's arms, sticky, sweaty and just a little on the incoherent side of speechless, Jamie had decided that anything less would have been conning themselves out of one of the very best experiences of his life. He'd had better, more practised sex in the past, sure, but it had been impossible to form any sort of bond with anyone for a very long time. This was different; it was Adam. Adam who he had spent more time with in the past few of months than he had with his own family in two years. It was just different. It mattered.

He buried his face in the soft curve of Adam's neck and pressed his hands flat against the smooth, warm skin of his back, holding where he was and not wanting to let go.

Adam mattered.


It was nearly seven weeks into their time at the ASGC that Jamie and Adam were met in the mess hall by Lt. Ford. He beamed at them in his now familiar manner and slapped an envelope into Adam's hand.

"We're outta here!" he declared, patting him on the shoulder, shuffling through the rest of the envelopes and frowning. "Oh… guess you're staying, Markham. They're splitting the teams so we don't lose everyone at once."

Jamie's heart raced. Leaving? They were taking Adam? He felt panic welling in his throat, the thought of being here, in the middle of the Antarctic while Adam was sent off to some distant, dangerous place was horrifying. He couldn't just – they couldn't - ! But the fact was, they could and neither of them had any way of preventing it; certainly not without raising suspicions.

He made himself nod in acknowledgement and gazed unblinkingly at his plate, rather than catch anyone's eye.

Across the table, Adam opened the envelope and pulled out the notification within. "Woah. Monday. Short notice," he said flatly, and Jamie felt his ankle being kicked under the table. "Are you sure they can manage here without us for a whole week?"


Jamie raised his eyes to see Adam was grinning, hesitating to double check before he allowed relief to overcome him.

"They're sending the rest of you out as soon as we get back," Ford told him, confidentially. "Trying to get the whole lot done soon as, because there might be, uh… progress, in a little while."

"Progress?" Adam echoed, looking at him warily.

Ford winked and nodded before patting them simultaneously on the shoulder and saying, "Anyways, I need to go break the good news to everyone else." He weaved his way through the tables towards the other squad and left them to it.

They sat for a moment and Jamie poked at his food, calculating the time that this meant they would be apart. He was twenty-seven in eleven days. Slap in the middle of Adam's leave. Great.

"It's not long," Adam offered, pressing his knee against Jamie's under the table. "Not really…"

"Hmm… I know, I just wasn't expecting it right now."

"Wh –" Adam paused mid-word and sighed. "Oh."

"Well, I wasn't expecting a party or anything."

"No, but… I'm sorry. I wish there was something –"

"Don't be. It's fine. You're not going forever." He gave him the warmest smile he dared to in the mess hall, in front of so many people, "I think I can manage without you. Hey – I even get my own room! I won't even miss you. In fact, can you just go? Right now?"

Adam just smiled.




He was wrong, though, even if the comment had been made in jest. The moment Adam was gone, he missed him. He tried to ignore the dull, empty feeling in his stomach and socialise with the rest of the squad for a while on the first night, but he ended up feeling out of touch and bored and went to bed. The empty room was just as depressing. It was still depressing six days later, as he packed up the gear he was taking back to Kansas with him. He'd grown embarrassingly attached to both Adam and the rickety bunkbeds that were too narrow to even consider trying to share over night.

He was only leaving for a week, but it felt horribly final. At least he'd get to see Adam the next day, even if it was brief.

Seeing him walk out of the elevator with the others was almost like a scene from a bad movie; he could even imagine the nasal orchestral while of violins in his head, and it made him laugh out loud. He wanted to run up and jump on him, the way he might actually have considered doing to a close friend he wasn't sleeping with. But it would have given the poor guy a nervous breakdown, so he decided not to.

The other marines gave Jamie a nod of acknowledgement and ambled off down the network of tunnels to the billet corridors, leaving them alone on the edge of the laboratory section. Adam walked over to him, slowly, looking around to see if anyone was watching. He stopped a respectable distance away and just said, "Hi."

Jamie heard himself mumble something like, 'Oh God...' and dragged him through the nearest door, bergen and all. He stumbled back against it, pulling Adam close and squeezing the air out of him, stuffing his arms between his back and his bergen, awkwardly.

"I... Well, I missed you, too," Adam told him, smiling as he pulled back and gazed at him, looking slightly confused. Jamie just felt strangely warm all of a sudden, despite the cold and the dark of the artefact archiving room it seemed they had commandeered.

It was such a relief to have Adam here, back on base. He'd been a little afraid that command would change their minds and send the marines they'd taken from Antarctica somewhere else. Not even tell them. Just never have them return. He and Adam had never even exchanged contact addresses (they lived in the same room; what was the point?) so, had that happened, he would probably never have seen him again.

"God, Adam – this place is so boring without you," he gushed, fumbling in his pocket for the contact details he'd meticulously written down to make sure his worst nightmare couldn't come true. There was already another stashed in the top drawer of Adam's bedside cabinet. "I didn't know what to do with myself..."

"Well, I guess I'm about to find out what it's like myself..." He stopped and regarded him for a second, "Are you ready to leave, Jamie? That helicopter is going in fifteen minutes whether you're on it or not. And if you're not –"

"Shh, I know, I know. Just take this." He pressed the neatly folded sheet of notepaper into Adam's hand and closed his fingers over it. "Just in case."

Adam stared at him for a moment before Jamie gave in to himself, and dragged the other marine in for a fevered kiss, knowing he had to make up for a week apart and make the most of the few minutes they had, at the same time. Eventually, they pulled apart just far enough that their lips were no longer touching, but their panted breaths were ghosting on each other's faces.

"Adam – "

"Shh..."

"No, Adam, I needed to tell you I – "

"Oh, young love," an educated, English voice said, dripping with amusement. "It's so terribly sweet."

They both froze and Jamie could almost feel the agonised thumps from Adam's chest, against his own. After several, silent seconds, Adam found the strength to turn and look behind them; they came face to face with a smirking Dr. Grodin. He was a smug bastard, but mostly okay; and yet, Jamie had never known anyone to weald as much power as this with such ease. He had the key to their careers in his hands; right next to the weird, purple-glowing alien contraption. And the smirk had sunk into an easy grin.

"Oh, don't stop on my account," he said, brightly, flashing his dimples and quirking an eyebrow. "I was rather enjoying myself."

Jamie found his voice first, and was mortified by the shrill disgrace it betrayed, "Dr. Grodin – it's... we're not. This isn't what it looks like – "

"Rubbish. I've seen enough of your sort to know that this is exactly what it looks like." He paused for a second to select another device from a nearby shelf. "You're all the same."

"Dr. Grodin – " Adam began, swallowing with obvious difficulty, his voice actually cracking a fraction on the last syllable. He was so terrified that when Jamie moved to take his hand, he didn’t even notice. "Please, you – you're not going to report us - ?"

"Don't be bloody ridiculous," Grodin replied, smirking to himself again. "And encourage the morons who run the show? I really don't think they need it, do you?"

"You... you won't - ? Really?"

Adam seemed to sag in relief, and Jamie reached out to put the other hand on his waist to steady him.

"You must be joking. The only reason I tolerate any of it is because I can't do my job otherwise. If you ask me, you're both mad for being here in the first place." He walked over to them, his arms now full of gadgets. "I'm just glad I'm a 'civilian', is all I can say. Do you mind moving out of the way? And getting the door?"

Hurriedly, they both stepped back and Jamie placed his hand on the doorknob, but paused to add, "And you won't... y'know... say anything? To anyone?"

"Well, if I was going to do that I may as well tell them myself!" he replied, sidling out of the door. "We have a very efficient grapevine out here, you know. Not that you'll need one if you aren't a little more selective about where you start mauling one another." He winked and turned away, chirruping, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

And with that, he was gone.

Jamie took a deep breath and collapsed against Adam, who in turn collapsed back against the shelves. It took a few minutes before either of them dared to speak, and when they did, it was Adam, his fingers lacing through the back of Jamie's hair and his mouth close to his ear, whispering, "No regrets."

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Part Three

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